Season 10 of Idol Debuts on a high note….
Welcome back friends….here we all are again on our couches watching the show we all swore we would give up on…The show we thought only Simon could carry. I admit it, I was not looking forward to being sucked in. I really didn’t think I would like Steven Tyler or J-Lo and really have never had any use for Randy but I was wrong. Steven Tyler and J-lo make the show. LOVED THEM! Randy is still third fiddle. The Oliver of the Brady Bunch. What the heck was up with his ridiculous fat boy Angus Young School boy outfit??? Is he the long lost member of Boyz to Men?
Ok…I will not go into specifics of each contestant we saw because it is the early rounds but there were a few stand out contestants that have the watch and see potential…and some that didn’t go through but we will see them again on the Finale. That one person is Yogi-POP…the white Japanese Michael Jackson/Hannah Montanna. His English was bad and he seems like he is out of it but watching him dance and sing made me crack up. He beats William Hung by a mile. He will get his 15 minutes of fame. Watch and see. He will be the Karaoke King and make the rounds.
There were a lot of young girls this year…Steven Tyler was like a kid in a candy store…Randy was oblivious and dreaming of a cheeseburger and thinking how did this happen??? I was supposed to be the star and these 2 newbies are blowing me away. Even the contestants didn’t notice he was there…Wah wah wah….J-Lo was actually sweet and sincere. I never thought she would be like that. I assumed she would be a Diva like Mary J Blige was last season but no sign of it. She is either a good actress afterall or genuine. I am fascinated at how big and round her butt is and how well she hides that storage shelf…It’s like reading an I=Spy book….find Jennifer’s large round ass….Crazy I know. Steven Tyler had bones in his damn ears…bet he doesn’t shop at Claires for his earrings. The random highlights in his hair are really bad but they work on him for some reason and his face is pulled so tight it is like a piece of saran wrap on a metal bowl. Hope he doesn’t sneeze because his face might catapult off of his skull.
Let’s get to the contestants…The Opera singer Jennifer recognized was the first one of the night. I actually remembered her too. That is pathetic. Did she really remember her or was she trying to sound like a real fan??? She was OK, not great. She sounded like she was singing through her nose. She won’t make it on the show…a mercy let through. It is going to take more than a stylist to get her through…then there was the Bosnian Hottie from the Bronx. She was really good. Looks like she is living the dream. Hope she does well. Loved the Bosnian footage…did she throw that on her i-pod to bring to the producers just in case they chose her??? She’s just Bosnian form the Bronx…a play on she’s just Jennjy from the Block. Then there was the singing waitress who will remain a singing waitress…keep hawking those cookie and cream shakes and Kobe beef burgers honey. She sang really well but BORING! No umph. She doesn’t even have anything fun to call her…Kobe Beef Idol??? Doesn’t have a ring to it. The chick from Springfield, Ma that works in the mall needs to head to CVS and get some Crest White Strips…she wants to be the show tunes/Brittany Spears Idol. Ummm…don’t think America is ready for that one. Too weird but she would be great on Broadway. Loved that the most exotic place she has been to is NH…Live free of Die baby! She could be a dark horse though if she gets her shtick together. They will be sending her to the Bowersox dentist…She can be White Strips Idol. Then there is the Jewish kid that was in the wheelchair who fell out of the wheelchair at school Idol. Ummm was the part of the story where the mom tells us he fell out of the wheelchair really important? People do that all the time. No touching footage to share…big disappointment. People falling really rings well with the American viewers. Doesn’t really mean diddly squat to me. He was a good singer. He will be the first Jewish idol if he wins. The shelter kid was cute. Shelter Idol we can call him. He had the touching story, his mom had over processed hair, his brother was a great wing man and he is talented. Watch and see if he stands out without the extra back footage…Loved the guy who sang the blues song and Steven Tyler played desk drums along with him. Looked like a regular guy that could sing. We can call him Happy go lucky Idol for the time being. It was either early in the day or he has charisma…who knows but it did give us the first glimpse that Steven Tyler was into the show even though we couldn’t see it on his Botox/Bondo face. Now onto Star on the Boobs/Snookie Idol. Thank god she clued us into the fact she has a big ass and big boobs. We never would have figured that out on our own. Luckily they gave her another chance because her stupid made up song was terrible. Then she sang a Celine Dion remake and killed it. In the past seasons she would have been tossed out on her giant badonk a donk… Kara would have rolled her eyes, over analyzed it and passed her over for showing off her boobs. Ellen would have just nodded like a zombie and made a dumb joke about stars and simon would have chewed on his pen. How about the waaaay to perky 16 ¾ annoying correspondent Idol???? Never trust a family that cheers each other on by song in a car ride. She will be the annoyingly sweet idol. She loves her camcorder and thinks she is reporting for EXTRA. Watch out Mario Lopez….she really has a great voice. I hate to admit it. She is not good for the diabetic viewers because she is sickening sweet! Then there is Doo-Wop Idol. She loves her flowers in her hair and is the kindest sweetest child on the planet. OK mom, we all think that about our kids. Then they grab us with the throat cancer story….so sad. It brought my friend Sherri to tears. The only way I could console her was to tell her I heard she found a guy in the parking lot with a sore throat, grabbed him, borrowed the Diabetes sweet Idol’s camcorder and made up a fake video. Sherri stopped crying and all was well with the world once again.She will not make it beyond Hollywood week. I sincerely can’t remember anyone else…I do remember I loved the last guy that sang, but don’t remember anything special about him…uh oh…sucks for you when you can only remember you were the last one of the day idol.
Onto the crappy contestants…I was sooooo looking forward to seeing the chick that fell down the stairs and was dragging herself on the ground. They teased us with her before the commercial and we never saw her again. Giant disappointment of the night. I love watching people get mad…storm away…fall down a flight of stairs…the drag themselves on all fours in tears into the street. I am sadistic. What was up with the Eagle Scout singing Sinatra??? His grandmother was singing and grinding Rayn Seacrest in the lobby. That was classic. I was waiting for her to grab his ass and make-out! Come on Ryan, Throw Grammy a bone. Clear that myth up that you are more than a manscaped/metrosexual/media mogul who is dating the chick from Dancing With The stars as a diversion….it just doesn’t look natural. The weirdo from Worscester really was bad, but the way they sang along made him think they wanted more…he had sociopath written all over him. The chick that sang the Madonna song from the Ivory Coast was hysterical. I loved that she had a singing coach and was working on her pronunciation of words…then thought the reason she didn’t make it through was because she wasn’t clear with her English. How can people morally take money for singing lessons and not feel guilty when they suck??? The girl that sang the Monkees song was horrible but by that part of the day the judges were punch drunk and started singing along…poor thing thought she had it too, then Steven tyler leans over in his chair and says I pass…oops…sorry to crush your dream…LOL The shining star was and still is Yogi Pop doing his ninja moves in a New Jersey Park, who learned Michael Jackson moves in the womb, who hates Miley Cyrus and Michael Jackson. J-Lo makes the mistake of asking him to tell them about himself…and the other two leave her hanging. He is out there…sings like crap but can dance. J-lo’s inner Fly Girl was dying to jump out of the chair and dance with him…Maybe he should go on Paula’s new show.
OK, that’s it. Not much entertaining stuff tonight, but we did get a glimmer of hope that this season will be the comeback that Idol needed. Excellent job on picking the new judges. Randy is the next one they should kick to the curb…he wouldn’t even be missed. I think the most entertainment he will give us is his dumb ass outfits and we can make a drinking game out of how many times he says Check it out…I wasn’t feeling it dawg…yo yo yo you know you are my dawg right….back when I was working with Mariah and Journey….you get the jist. Let’s hope the contestants can match the judges this season…so far they are all duds.
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