What lies ahead....Bachelor Predictions for tonight's Safari

Ok, we all know it is down to 3 possible brides for Brad.  We have Ashley who was the recipient of the 1st impression rose, Chantal who bitch slapped Brad, and Emily who "aroused" Brad's imagination when she stepped out of the Limo on night 1.  Although Ashley came out of the box strong, she kind of lost some steam along the way.  She really got caught up in the second guessing and doesn't like this "sharing" of Brad and his time.  She forgot that this really is a game and has to keep her eyes on the prize.  Chantal is one big emotional mess too.  She is totally head over heels and has the constant reminder that Brad always seems to give her the rose last.  Is that a secret code between the two of them that he really likes her the best????  Makes you wonder huh?  Then we are left with Emily.  He is attracted to her physically, but I think deep down inside he knows he is biting off more than he can chew.  He knows that there are 3 people involved and if it doesn't work out he will look like a cad.  There is no way the tabloids will spin it in his favor.  Emily is sweet, but for the Bachelor arena is damaged goods.  She lost the love of her life, had a baby and is very guarded and nobody will ever be able to take the place of a memory in her heart.  It's a no win situation for either of them.  Too public to jump back into the dating game.  Another time or place maybe....
So we are going to see the girls make the last ditch effort to solidify their places in the final two.  I predict Ashley is going to throw up her guard and Brad is going to mentally check out.  He is going to let her go.  Chantal is going to profess her love, they are going to have an easy going date because every date they have is effortless.  They always seem like peas & carrots when they are 1:1.  Then they will have the talk, Chantal will cry and tell him she loves him and is scared and Brad will keep her around.  Then there will be Emily...they will have an awkward date.  Brad will try to keep convincing himself it could work.  They will have a deep conversation, he will talk about how much he enjoyed Ricki and try to sell himself.  Emily will sit there and try to convince him (and herself) at the best of her ability that she is open to romance, but it just won't be enough.  He will keep her but only because it will be an easy out for him to pick Chantal.  He can use the Ricki excuse and the fact that she lives in S. Carolina around a strong support network which is important for Ricki and for herslef and he couldn't take them away from all of that.  These are just my guesses...can't wait to see if my read on this is right!  Let's watch and see tonight!!!

Real Housewives of Miami

Ok here we go to another city of filthy rich Biatches.....MIAMI!  It is a hot city where you don't wear a whole lot of clothes according to the new batch of housewives....it is a cultural playground for the rich, famous and powerful from around the world....It is very free and sexual....loud, vibrant and flashy....no work, just fun, party all day.  It's all here.  Thanks for the heads up.
We have Larsa who is married to Scottie Pippin.  Her husband has all the moves and apparently lots of cash to keep her happy.  Cristy is keeping it real.  Attitude is everything in her world.  Adriana speaks 5 languages but prefers a man with no words.  Marysol puts others in the spotlight but it always seems to find her.  Alexia says beauty is power if you know how to use it, and finally we have Lea who cares about alot of things but not what others think....she is the old one.
Lea...collects people....she likes outrageous people....she is basically a star F'er.  She is old, washed up and ugly, but apparently has alot of contacts because she is older than dirt.  Her husband met her while she was a juror on the William kennedy Smith trial where he was a lawyer....She has a kid RJ that has huge feet.  They live in a huge tacky mansion.  She is a party planner/party goer/party filler.
Larsa is Scottie Pippin's plastic wife...she is lebanese and Syrian.  People always thinks she is a latina....poor her.  She has been married to Scottie for 14 years.  They live in Ft. Lauderdale, basically the only place you can have a boat in your backyard...what a deep thought.  They have 4 kids.  3 boys and a girl.  She gives us a rundown of them but do we care?  Not really.  She manages life in the Pippin mansion.  She even cooks dinner every night.  Being married to Scottie requires her to look great.  Has Scottie looked in the mirror lately???
Adrianna is a mom dating some old looking dude Fredric.  She is an art gallery owner, who went to law school but then decided to go back to art.  Alex is her sunshine.  Her boyfriend has always had a crush on her but couldn't act on it....because she was married.  When has that ever stopped anyone??? He pounced on her when the divorce became final and asked her to marry him 3 weeks later.  She is the queen of Miami.  She loves how she is so desireable....gag!
Larsa is going to a gun range to learn how to shoot a gun.  OK isn't that why you have EDT?  Everyone has a gun laying around in case they need to shoot the nanny....STUPID! and dangerous.The instructor is copping a feel everytime the gun kicks back....he is loving this and I suspect sporting wood.  Larsa is a confident person who has always wanted to be an action hero.  UGH!  That is why there are gun laws.
Next up is Cristy...kind of has a horseface.  She is Cuban/American.  She grew up here.  She is strutting in a bikini drinking a mojito in a plastic cup on the beach.  She is was married to Glen Rice of the NBA.  They are divorced and it is messy.  She of course has a psychic....who has a sidekick that looks like baby Jane!  The psychic is feeding her a line of BS and she is loving it. Ay Yi Yi!
Miami Fashion Week:  They arrive early and of course Adrianna likes to get there last to make a statement and not look desperate.  She thinks she is J-Lo and the other girls are ripping her up behind her back.  They are gawking over men in Speedos....yuck!  banana hammocks are not sexy in any language or country.  They get to meet the designers backstage and Adrianna is looking for the models to take to dinner....alrighty then...desperate much?  Adrianna is proving to be an embarassment to the other women.  Cristy and Larsa are dying!  Hey...everyone LOOK AT ME!
Alexia is working out with her trainer...surprisingly a female.  She is known as the Cuban Barbie.  Who says that shit?  She is also a woman long in the tooth desperately hanging on!  She should not dye her hair blonde it looks really bad and damaged.  She has 2 kids from a previous marriage.  She is married to an old guy who owns a Spanish magazine.  He looks like a dad....but he is rich so he now looks hot I guess.
After the fashion show the trio goes to a private club where they grill Adrianna.  They toast each other and look around the room to get noticed.  Larsa is pretty normal.  the other 2 let it all hang out.  She is a fun vampire in their eyes.  She wants to get home to Scottie....they all leave but not happily.
Marysol owns a PR firm that employs only young good looking girls....is she a madame?  She is talking about her boobs and how plastic surgery isn't an option....LIAR!   She dates younger men....Her lips are like a shelf.  She is unable to frown or show emotion....YIKES!
Back to Alexia who looks much better at a distance...she thinks she is seen and acts alot younger than she is...maybe because the botox has paralyzed her brain from progressing beyond 12...she has a 17 yr old son and lets us know that people in Miami view drinking with their kids as something social...ummmm drinking a Pepsi is social, drinking a beer is illegal....but she has strong views over a curfew....whacka doodle!
Adrianna is back on the screen...oh Joy.  She is talking to her son, who i bet she tries to pass off as her younger brother.
AHHHHHHHH   Marysol is with her mother on TV.  If that is any way an indication as to what she will look like at 70 shoot yourslef now!  she looks like that woman that had plastic surgery to look like a cat.  She is very spiritual and a drunk I suspect.  I may have to start drinking just to look at her.  She gives good relationship advice supposedly, I suspect it is because she observes stuff because she is so frightening to look at.  I am finding myself fast forwarding through this washed up Charo!  I think Marysol is smiling...I can't tell!
Lea is finally getting screen time.  She is having a cooking party.  She is such a queen Bee...all the chicks arrive....big sunglasses, bling and clevage.  Larsa wants to go horseback riding but the women poo poo that idea.  They are afraid to fall and break their necks.  i think they are scared to crack their make-up.  Lea is addicted to her Blackberry....now the cooking lesson begins...they all wear chef hats and proclaim they look good in anything.  PUKE!  Lea is the one that you either love or hate...I suspect she will be hated by the end of the season.  Alexia isn't going to like her I bet....watching them hack the food is unbearable....they are all self proclaimed experts...these broads are annoying.  Only Pippin's wife is likeable so far.
Now comes the good part...dinner....let's listen to their sad ass stories!  Everyone loves Scottie pippin....Adrianna keeps postponing her wedding, because she gets cold feet.  I think it is because she wants to keep her options open but have someone there to play with her kid.  Everyone talks about their 1st husbands and how their husbands all said they were going to get married...Adrianna talks about getting a phone call from a woman claiming to be married to her 1st husband at the same time she is married to him....now that happens all the time right?  She then goes on to tell us that he hooked up with an escort and had a common law marriage....isn't that called an affair???  Lea collected Adrianna because she was sleeping on the floor of her art gallery, what a saint?  So apparently Adrianna owes her life to Lea.  Lea will remind her of that all season.
There is going to be lots of drama this season....Adrianna will piss everyone off, Lea will piss everyone off and marysol's scary looking mom will become a fan favorite....she is like a psychic clown looking witch who will mesmerize us......looks like a good season afterall

A new Adventure

Since most of you always remind me that io watch way too much TV i have decided to blog it.  I will poke fun and recap some of my favorite Reality TV shows...when I make it to the big time I will remember you all fondly...
Kris

The bachelor 2nd time around

Bachelor 2nd time around…..

Brad, brad, Brad….our favorite bachelor currently brainwashed by his Aussie therapist, where do I begin???  Hmmm….ok I will start with the obvious, we understand you have changed and are a walking talking self help book.  Do I see one being written with a ghost writer in your future?  Watch out Dr. Phil.

Let’s begin with the ladies…he is down to 8.  I find it appropriate that he took horse face Ally for a horseback ride to the cave since she has horse teeth and a horse face.  He took her to a cave surrounded by bat shit so he wouldn’t have to look at her.  I found it quite amusing that he took her to the Alter….was he planning to sacrafice her and leave her in the cave?  How funny was it that he set down a cloth blanket on wet rocks…he really isn’t that bright.  Then he takes her to a floating table in a pool and actually looks bored to tears and notices that their area is sinking….much like the date and her chances.  As Ally states she couldn’t see herself at the alter with her former boyfriend, Brad’s eyes lit up….there was his out.  Didn’t even wait for dessert.  Her opened the corale and let Ally the horse face free….Buh bye….Nayyyyyyy!  by the way, was Ally riding a shetland Pony on their date? Or is it because she resembled a mare???    What was the point of the little horses tagging along with them???  The things that make you go hmmmm….

Now onto the group date.  We had Brynn who has about as much charisma as a rock…she is like wallpaper.  Pretty to look at but that is about it.  We have Jackie the artist who is desperately clinging to life and of course pulled out the I am afraid of heights and this is my biggest fear card, Ashley the over whitened teeth dentist who at this point must settle for 3 or 4 because she is non-existant in this weeks episode, Shawntal the mortician who talks so much and tries too hard….she is like nails on a chalk board.  Making out to shut up is only going to take you so far.  Maybe it is because she is around dead people all day and has nobody to talk to.  She has a killer body but personality that makes you want to kill yourself and become one of her customers, Emily the barbie doll holding onto the ghost of her dead fiancee and my favorite…fatal attraction/definitely older than 30 Michelle….if looks could kill Shawntal would have been racking up business.  Of course they go off to a waterfall in the rain to repel…yippee skippy another repelling date.  Was Brad hoping someone would fall off the side so he wouldn’t have to send the dates home at the elimination?  Everyone is so afraid of heights and I think Michelle…I was surprised she didn’t try to cut the rope.  Michelle is sending looks because brad promised he would only repel with her…what are the odds that someone would go on 2 repelling dates in 1 season?  Everyone goes down….Jackie is panicked and hoping Brad would help her but he ignores her as soon as she jumps down the side.  Back to Michelle who happens to wear the same color as Brad…hmmmm…..she reads him the dominatrix act and then repels down the falls while the other girls just look with jealousy….jump to the grotto….all the chicks are in their bikinis if I was on the show I would be the only one in a tankini and a t-shirt covering myself…all the girls are sucking in their stomachs trying to look like they weigh 90 pounds…Emily gets to take off with Brad.  Shocker.  She reassures him that she won’t sabotage him…he tries to believe her.  He wants to grind her and not talk but plays nice.  He is scared….cue to Michelle…she has her turn and flips again on him.  Does he like to be dominated???  Is he the whipped type???  She spews her venom, he gets turned on then a lightbulb goes off because I think the producers explained it to him and he gets pissed….revokes the rose and goes back to his room confused….

Chantal has a solo date that actually started off the episode…I know I am out of order…she gets picked up by helicopter…like she always does for their dates.  Hope she realizes he probably drives a pick up truck in Texas….they are whisked off to zip line.  As ususal a date that involves rope and helmets…she shows her dare devil side and hops right on the zip line and zooms down the revine.  Brad is relieved because he doesn’t want any guilt trips….he will pick her in the end…I just know it.  Notice that when they are together they are like a real couple.  Brad doesn’t have to put in any effort at all. They laugh, joke, make out etc.  After their date they are outside on a blanket and like clock work, it rains.  It always rains on their dates.  Never fails….is it a sign from above????  They sprint into his suite and she comes out in his shirt with just her undies on….cue the porn music….thewy cuddle, she professes her love and the date is a success.

Back to the compound.  Michelle is pricking her voodoo doll of chantal hoping the chicken bones she has in the closet with the candles and chicken blood would seal Chantal’s fate….but it doesn’t.  Chantal stays.  Michelle being the fatal attraction she is uses her magic ball and finds out where Brad’s room is…what did she do, knock on all of the doors until she found Brad so she could say Hola????  She finds him, saunters into the room and tries to use her mind control and make-out skills to talk to Brad…at first he is psyched because he probably has blue balls then he starts to get pissed because she kept pushing the point that she is the only one for him…she goes back to the compound….mission accomplished????

The rose ceremony…Brad tells his posse of chicks he was confused and had a bad day….the girls trying to take the hint suck up to him.  The mortician makes out with him….Brynn just acts like wallpaper, Ashley keeps on flossing, Chantal tells him she loves him, Emily tries to get more camera time and Michelle tries to defend her visit….Michelle cries and for the 1st time thinks she is in trouble…meanwhile the chick posse tries to figure out who complained about not getting a rose, then figure it is Michelle…but how????  Brynn stares blankly ahead, Jackie the artist tries to paint a mental picture and Ashley continues to floss….the girls pounce on Michelle who at first denies, denies, denies then fesses up….Brad passes out 7 roses but Jackie and Michelle are the final 2….Michelle whips her head and shoot a look of disbelief to Jackie….she is thinking how?  Why? WTF?  Jackie is thinking maybe I have a shot…maybe Brad Has finally seen the light…but NO….Michelle gets the rose.  Jackie is sent to pasture along with horse face Ally.  She is a one in a million girl, but not for Brad.  He walks her out, then returns to tell the girls they are going to Anguilla….Yippeee…..sunshine and cheers!

There Rachel….are you happy????

The Bachelor/Anguilla

Bachelor/Anguilla

Ok, so I haven’t even turned on the TV yet and I already know I am going to be bugged by something other than Michelle…the correct pronunciation of the word Anguilla.  I have always heard it called An-Gee-La  but others call it Ang-Willa….potato /potato…tomato/tomato….Ok Jeff, get the snacks and turn on the tube!  And take me to Anguilla….

I wonder if they will zipline or repel on this date???  Well judging from the teasers we will have some soft core beach porn with Michelle.  Is she flying in the plane with the other girls or will she zipline there?  Or perhaps ride on her broom?  The chicks are checking out their villa…please girls keep in mind that you probably will never go back there again if Brad picks you because he has a beer budget.  Britt is looking puzzled when Chris Harrison explains the rules of the week….Shawntel reads the date teaser….Emily wins the solo date.  Shocker!  When is he going to just dump this chick and stop giving her chances????  Dead baby daddy trumps runaway bachelor….game over.  She is only 24 but looks older.  She sees a helicopter and says he is too much with his dates.  Dumbass, the producers plan the dates.  She is really starting to bug me now.  She gets to go to her own private island.  What happens if she has to pee or take a poo?  I know I would pee in the water but will she???  I think she has hair extensions….look at the way her hair parts un-normally when the wind blows.  Now they are professing their fears…blah blah blah.  Brad says he moves very slowly….he speaks very slowly too….the sun is going in and the moon is coming up….you know damn well her bladder is about to burst and she is probably stiffling a fart! 

Back at the resort, the girls are torturing themselves about the dates and teasing Britt about the date card.  Britt knows she is dead meat because she hasn’t had a 1 on 1 yet.  The mortician wins…will she talk about embalming on their date as they tour the island?

Back to the Emily date…will Emily introduce Brad to her child????  Brad is trying to make small talk.  Emily is talking about the dead babydaddy again…..now comes the big ????  will she allow Brad to meet Ricky?  Deep sigh….she is overprotective.  Emily is a pain in the ass.  Cut the bitch loose.  She is never going to commit to you Brad.  She can wallow away in pity and play with her weave, and whiten those big chompers of hers.  Major overbite…how can he propse if she won’t let him meet her kid?  He breaks the rules and tells her he is going to give her a rose.  I think this is a challenge for him. He is such a rebel.  Or this could be an insurance rose because he knows she will never commit to him.  Every guy wants what he can’t have.  Remember that! 

Shawntel’s big date….do you think she will take him to the morgue on their hometown date if she gets one?  They go bike riding in the middle of town.  Nothing glamorous like a shopping spree this time.  She hears the music at a farmers market and she is saying this is her favorite kind of date.  Jeff takes me on those all the time when we go to Seabra….music and markets….how romantic.  Now she is going to barge into a game of dominoes…hopefully Brad will wager her and lose her to them and she gets sold into some illicit black market drug cartel.  Now some toothless broad is conveniently asking them if they are in love and if they are getting married.  I bet Shawntel promised her a free funeral if she would say that.  Now they come across baby goats.  Whatever…how can you say perfect when you are surrounded by smelly goats?  He is telling her how natural their relationship is….did you fart or did the goat just take a crap by the blanket???  OOOOHHHH, I am falling in love with you Brad….bring on the night time date so I can get drunk and tell you again how much I love you then blame it on the sun and the red wine when I am riding in the limo when he sends your ass home.  Oh my gosh….it is sooooo romantic.  Dinner on a tiki dock.  Where else would they eat?  They are on an island.  She is spouting about her humble family.  She is talking about her family and asks about brad’s mom.  Does she know that Brad is adopted???  He talks about his mom and how she is so loving and dad was a deadbeat.  I bet he will blame his commitment issues on that.  He is so at ease with her.  He loves how he feels around her.  He soooo teases her.  Rain begins, I wonder if mother nature knows this is Shawntl not Chantal…..kissing in the rain is romantic according to Brad….he arranges a private concert by some old pothead who is famous.  Brad is soooo wonderful.  Duh girls, it is all prearranged, he isn’t paying for it out of his pocket.

Back at the house Britt is really panicked when the date envelops arrives.  She finally gets a 1 on 1 date.  Michelle is pissed.  They are going on a sailing date.  Michelle is pretty sure their ship will go down.  I can’t wait to see if Michelle will wear scuba gear and try to make holes in the boat.  Michelle says what a waste of a yacht….Britt is putting on bronzer and make-up to go on a boat.  She is on a tropical island full of sun and she is putting on bronzer????  She is a toothpick.  Shre actually looks awkward in her cut off shorts and wedge sandals.  Brad shows her the yacht and tells her they have to swim to it.  All the other girls see the yacht and profess their jealousy.  Michelle spews her venom…she can’t even see Brad friending her on FB.  What a waste of a 1 on 1.  I hope Michelle gets stung by jelly fish so the other girls can take turns peeing on her.  Brad shows britt a giant rock and says we are going cliff jumping.  What is it with this guy and jumping off tall things????  Is he secretly hoping she brushes up against the rocks and gets a concussion?  They show her jump under water and she came damn close to a rock….he is proud she faced her fears.  He really is a new doctor Phil.

Date card arrives and it is a group date card…Biatchsay michelle tells the other girls she wished she wasn’t going on the group dates with them.  She hates group dates.  Well guess what, they hate you!

Back to the wallpaper date.  Britt is very hard at showing her feelings.  Brad has no spark with her.  He doesn’t have any urge to kiss her.  Britt is a buddy not a girlfriend.  He is hoping for sparks tonight…guess what bud, ain’t going to happen if they haven’t already.  Skip the date, send her home and save yourselves the trouble.  Brad is feeling confused by the lack of romantic spark.  The highlight of his day was seeing her face after she jumped off the rock….uh oh not good Britt.  He is talking about the night and trying to rush her through dinner.  When a guy starts a conversation with ummmm, then you know you are in trouble.  He is about to say But….she is thinking she is all set since there isn’t a rose but here comes the fatal blow he is about to tell her their isn’t any chemistry.  She looks like she wants to jump off the boat.  He doesn’t see a future.  She is pleading her case but it is falling on deaf ears.  She is practically begging….not attractive and not going to happen Brad is cutting her loose and will be throwing her overboard.  He really is making up the rules as he goes along.  Dumps her in a little dingy into the night…poor wallpaper girl.  Buh Bye!  I half expect Michelle to crawl up the side of the boat saying Ahoy matey!  The girls are so excited to see Britt, telling her how happy they are to see her, how much they hate nbot having her around and she breaks the news to them that she is going home.  They all look upset but they are secretly thrilled.  Now the girls are panicked and wallowing in doubt and fear.

Now comes the Ashley, Chantal, Michelle group date….cue the porn music.  Brad is sneaking into their rooms with a flashlight in the dead of morning.  He tells them to get dressed and put on some comfy clothes.  I am shocked Michelle isn’t sleeping in the nude.  He gets to see them au-natural….love it.  Michelle didn’t have time to slather on the bondo to her face or cover her zits.  They are doing a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit shoot.  Michelle is excited to do this.  Ashley tells us she has no boobs, duh we saw that.  Chantal feels fat and is stressed out.  At least she is normal.  Of course she is terrified.  Ashley poses and she looks natural.  The photographer is creaming his pants and talks her into going topless with shells.  He is like a creepy photographer.   Chantal is up next and whines about her unsexiness….she looks a little thick in the middle.  She goes topless too.  Brad gets some wood….Michelle becomes the moral compass and doesn’t want to take her top off.  She tells us she was a model and wants to pose wioth Brad.  She starts to grind and make out with him.  Cue the porn music.  She goes way over the top.  What a pain in the ass she is.  She is totally getting into their heads.  Mission accomplished.  The other girls want to kill her.  Brad got swept away and caught up in the moment, now he regrets it.  He knows he is in the dog house.  Damage is done and now comes the back peddling.  Can’t wait to see how he handles this one.  What therapy mumbo jumbo will he spew???  I can’t fast forward quick enough.  Now the sirens are all in the pool with Homer.  They are drinking green drinks…symbolism for green with envy???   Ashley is putting Brad on the spot.  She tells him that she feels like the kid sister.  He tells her his feelings for her haven’t changed.  She feels disconnected.  It is a heavy conversation and Brad is confused.  Dumbass you made your bed now lie in it.  Chantal is about to lose it on him.  She is asking why their body language sucks on group dates.  He says he has to remember there are other women on the group dates.  She tells him she loves him again.  Brad is happy but knows he has ruffled feathers on the date.  Michelle is with Brad now.  She is trying to act DEEP with him.  Doesn’t he know she is using sex to get him?  He sees a strong and volitile woman and that scares him.  Finally he is realizing that she is nuts and domineering.  I think he has finally got her #.  They just would never work.  She is like a fatal attraction.  Their connection is purely physical.  Ashley and Chantal think Michelle will get the rose.  They are feeling like Brad is shut off….dude is not shut off he is embarassed.  Chantal takes him aside again and unloads her buzz words on her.  He tries to explain things to her but he is trying to explain why he is acting like a vulcan.  Who will get the rose???  Buzz words for the season:  Walls, shut down, face fears, I want to find love, emotional, thrown for a loop.  Ashley gets to go with Brad again.  She is really “shutting down”.  She is going to drive him away.  He is going to give her the rose but Ashley thinks she is going to get sent home like wallpaper Britt.  He walks over, grabs the rose, Michelle and Chantal are blown away because Ashley gets it.    Big kiss…lots of tears…Michelle wants to kill him.  Chantal is a blubbering mess.  She gets some time with alone with Brad and tells him if I can’t win over the three girls, then send me home.  He tries to convince her otherwise.  She isn’t buying it.  She fell for him hook line and sinker.  She tells him she is OK.  Aren’t you at all surprised it didn’t rain on their date.  Brad dug himself into a big hole this time.

Eose ceremony shuld be interesting….we know Emily is getting a rose because he already told her that, Ashley got one, so that leaves Shawntel, Michelle and Chantal.  They all arrive barefooot…is this an anguillan dating ritual???  Looks like Michelle is going home.  But who knows????  They are all standing on the edge of the pool.  Michelle is wanting to talk to Brad alone….spo she can seduce him one more time and put something into his drink.  Brad pulls Chris aside and tells Chris he doesn’t need the cocktail party and he has made his decision.  Chris tries to talk to him and he doesn’t want to budge.  I think he is petrified of Michelle to be honest.  But I may be wrong.  Straight to the rose ceremony….Chros goes to the girls to break the news.  Michelle feels her spidey senses tingle and states something is off….Michelle is panicked.  She has goosebumps.  Morticia is nervous….Michelle is dropping F-Bombs, she wanted to use her seduction charms because that is the only tool she has because she is not really a nice chick to be around.  Chantal is crying…Emily is secretly gloating because she knows she is safe, so here they go down to the beach….are there any sharp objects within Michelle’s reach???  I am kind of sad to see her go, maybe she can stick around and just continue to make comments like on pop up video….

Here comes Brad…Chris tells them that Brad is very clear of his intentions tonight and one of you will be gpoing home tonight.  Hi ladies, you all look gorgeous.  I am sure you are wondering why there isn’t a cocktail party and I promised you that as soon as I felt something was oof I would not string you along….i am breaking protocol for you.  I cherish every single second with all of you.   First rose: Emily….nobody looks surprised.  2nd rose: Shawntel N the mortician, 3rd Rose: Chantal.  He called her last again.  Michelle is LIVID…she is in SHOCK…He walks her out and asks if he can hold her hand, she says not a chance.  The girls are so relieved and say it has to be very awkward.  He asks her to talk, she says no and then shoves her in the back of the limo.  He is breathing a sigh of relief.  She is too intense for him and volitile.  Michelle in the limo lays down.  Doesn’t say a word, just has the wicked step mother music playing in the background that builds up to a point where you think she is going to go postal but she doesn’t.

Now onto the home dates.  Shawntel is going to scare the crap out of him with all of the dead talk….Emily brings little Ricky out to see Brad but she runs away….Shawntel talks about her fears and Ashley is the perky dentist….oh boy can’t wait for next week!