Bachelor 2nd time around…..
Brad, brad, Brad….our favorite bachelor currently brainwashed by his Aussie therapist, where do I begin??? Hmmm….ok I will start with the obvious, we understand you have changed and are a walking talking self help book. Do I see one being written with a ghost writer in your future? Watch out Dr. Phil.
Let’s begin with the ladies…he is down to 8. I find it appropriate that he took horse face Ally for a horseback ride to the cave since she has horse teeth and a horse face. He took her to a cave surrounded by bat shit so he wouldn’t have to look at her. I found it quite amusing that he took her to the Alter….was he planning to sacrafice her and leave her in the cave? How funny was it that he set down a cloth blanket on wet rocks…he really isn’t that bright. Then he takes her to a floating table in a pool and actually looks bored to tears and notices that their area is sinking….much like the date and her chances. As Ally states she couldn’t see herself at the alter with her former boyfriend, Brad’s eyes lit up….there was his out. Didn’t even wait for dessert. Her opened the corale and let Ally the horse face free….Buh bye….Nayyyyyyy! by the way, was Ally riding a shetland Pony on their date? Or is it because she resembled a mare??? What was the point of the little horses tagging along with them??? The things that make you go hmmmm….
Now onto the group date. We had Brynn who has about as much charisma as a rock…she is like wallpaper. Pretty to look at but that is about it. We have Jackie the artist who is desperately clinging to life and of course pulled out the I am afraid of heights and this is my biggest fear card, Ashley the over whitened teeth dentist who at this point must settle for 3 or 4 because she is non-existant in this weeks episode, Shawntal the mortician who talks so much and tries too hard….she is like nails on a chalk board. Making out to shut up is only going to take you so far. Maybe it is because she is around dead people all day and has nobody to talk to. She has a killer body but personality that makes you want to kill yourself and become one of her customers, Emily the barbie doll holding onto the ghost of her dead fiancee and my favorite…fatal attraction/definitely older than 30 Michelle….if looks could kill Shawntal would have been racking up business. Of course they go off to a waterfall in the rain to repel…yippee skippy another repelling date. Was Brad hoping someone would fall off the side so he wouldn’t have to send the dates home at the elimination? Everyone is so afraid of heights and I think Michelle…I was surprised she didn’t try to cut the rope. Michelle is sending looks because brad promised he would only repel with her…what are the odds that someone would go on 2 repelling dates in 1 season? Everyone goes down….Jackie is panicked and hoping Brad would help her but he ignores her as soon as she jumps down the side. Back to Michelle who happens to wear the same color as Brad…hmmmm…..she reads him the dominatrix act and then repels down the falls while the other girls just look with jealousy….jump to the grotto….all the chicks are in their bikinis if I was on the show I would be the only one in a tankini and a t-shirt covering myself…all the girls are sucking in their stomachs trying to look like they weigh 90 pounds…Emily gets to take off with Brad. Shocker. She reassures him that she won’t sabotage him…he tries to believe her. He wants to grind her and not talk but plays nice. He is scared….cue to Michelle…she has her turn and flips again on him. Does he like to be dominated??? Is he the whipped type??? She spews her venom, he gets turned on then a lightbulb goes off because I think the producers explained it to him and he gets pissed….revokes the rose and goes back to his room confused….
Chantal has a solo date that actually started off the episode…I know I am out of order…she gets picked up by helicopter…like she always does for their dates. Hope she realizes he probably drives a pick up truck in Texas….they are whisked off to zip line. As ususal a date that involves rope and helmets…she shows her dare devil side and hops right on the zip line and zooms down the revine. Brad is relieved because he doesn’t want any guilt trips….he will pick her in the end…I just know it. Notice that when they are together they are like a real couple. Brad doesn’t have to put in any effort at all. They laugh, joke, make out etc. After their date they are outside on a blanket and like clock work, it rains. It always rains on their dates. Never fails….is it a sign from above???? They sprint into his suite and she comes out in his shirt with just her undies on….cue the porn music….thewy cuddle, she professes her love and the date is a success.
Back to the compound. Michelle is pricking her voodoo doll of chantal hoping the chicken bones she has in the closet with the candles and chicken blood would seal Chantal’s fate….but it doesn’t. Chantal stays. Michelle being the fatal attraction she is uses her magic ball and finds out where Brad’s room is…what did she do, knock on all of the doors until she found Brad so she could say Hola???? She finds him, saunters into the room and tries to use her mind control and make-out skills to talk to Brad…at first he is psyched because he probably has blue balls then he starts to get pissed because she kept pushing the point that she is the only one for him…she goes back to the compound….mission accomplished????
The rose ceremony…Brad tells his posse of chicks he was confused and had a bad day….the girls trying to take the hint suck up to him. The mortician makes out with him….Brynn just acts like wallpaper, Ashley keeps on flossing, Chantal tells him she loves him, Emily tries to get more camera time and Michelle tries to defend her visit….Michelle cries and for the 1st time thinks she is in trouble…meanwhile the chick posse tries to figure out who complained about not getting a rose, then figure it is Michelle…but how???? Brynn stares blankly ahead, Jackie the artist tries to paint a mental picture and Ashley continues to floss….the girls pounce on Michelle who at first denies, denies, denies then fesses up….Brad passes out 7 roses but Jackie and Michelle are the final 2….Michelle whips her head and shoot a look of disbelief to Jackie….she is thinking how? Why? WTF? Jackie is thinking maybe I have a shot…maybe Brad Has finally seen the light…but NO….Michelle gets the rose. Jackie is sent to pasture along with horse face Ally. She is a one in a million girl, but not for Brad. He walks her out, then returns to tell the girls they are going to Anguilla….Yippeee…..sunshine and cheers!
There Rachel….are you happy????
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