American Idol Top 11

Amercian Idol Top 11

Elton John Night….

Sorry about missing last week guys.  I did watch it and have to admit I fell asleep during the show.  Not a good sign for Motown Week.  The Casey drama was a bit over the top.  I did learn that Hulk Hogan didn’t have a belly button and the judges already had decided to use the save card before Casey was even announced.  Twists and turns all over the place!

Now that the second chance has been removed, let’s hope America continues to vote for their favorites because it could cost them the “Idolship”.  Well the judges are dressed normally tonight,  Randy ditched the cardigan, Steven ditched his daughter’s outfits and J-Lo is in a metallic mini.  Seacrest is orange, but his hair looks really good tonight.  I like the longer look on him.

I can see the stylists have gotten their hands on the Idols.  It is about time.  They are actually looking like performers.  How many of these kids even know how good a classic Elton John song is?  He was killer back in the day.  My favorite album of his is Good Bye Yellow brick Road.  I wish Elton was still fun and playful.  I don’t really care for full of himself Elton.  I like Funky glasses and flashy Elton.  The man could kick ass back when he was younger!

Can we skip the fashion shoot for US magazine or EW???  How are they going to give the cabbage patch kid Casey glamour?  Naima’s teeth are going to steal the picture no matter what she puts on!

 Alfred E. Newman looks like a crooner.  He is a baseball paying teen for the south.    He is singing a country Elton john song I have never heard of.  He is singing Country Comfort, because it has country in it.  Deep thought.  He is keeping the grandma line in the song because grandma is going to be in the audience. That is sweet J  He is strumming the guitar.  He sounds like he always does.  I think it helps when you know what the song sounds like to enjoy the song.  It sounds good to me but I don’t know what it is supposed to sound like. Every country song sounds the same to me when it has the steel guitar in it.  At least he ended it with the DEEEEEEP note.  Kind of flat and boring but I will blame that on song choice.  The judges loved it.  He really is a master showman for a kid his age, for any age for that matter. Grandma is proud J

Naima is up next.  Of course she is going to put a Reggae  twist on the song.  Oh Lord!  Here we go….Barbra Marley…..NOT.  I wonder what she is going to sing???  What is she going to butcher???Poor Elton!  Hey, her teeth look smaller this week?  Did she grow into them?  She is singing I’m Still Standing.  The lyrics have meaning to her….usually people sing that after a hard night of drinking LOL.  She slowed it down to a point where it is going to be hard for her to stay in tune….duh, not smart since she is out of tune week after week!   Oh my foolishness, she is talking to the crowd with a reggae accent.  I guess she puffed a few tokes before taking the stage.  Put the bong down and get on with it! Did she borrow that jumpsuit from Marsha Brady?  In and out of tune once again.  I don’t know if I am entertained by the singing or how she is all over the place???  I am perplexed.  She really is getting cocky! Jen is on the fence.  She doesn’t think it worked but she loves her.  Randy agrees.  It came off corny and it did! Steven supports her for picking a song that fits her.  In other words, he didn’t have the heart to say he didn’t like it.  He feels guilty every time he doesn’t like her.

Paul is up…this can’t possibly be pretty.  Elton John on helium will never ever work I’m afraid.  Maybe he will prove me wrong but I doubt it.  He looks the part of a singer, but his performances just don’t work for me.  He is singing Rocket Man.  He played it one time with his band and it was a disaster.  WTF is he thinking?  Why would you do that?  He is singing it like he is doing an encore.  Good luck with that.  He has that stupid ugly coat on.  He is playing guitar and is actually handling the song.  I am pleasantly surprised.  He knows he is not able to hit the high notes and he adjusts to it.  It isn’t my favorite once he gets to the chorus….Yikes!  Butchered the easiest part.  Please send him home America!  His voice is lacking.  Randy says he was pitchy but his quiet voice is better.  Jen jumps in and hogs Randy’s time.  Steven asks if he has been watering the suit because there are more roses on it.  Highlight of the night. Steven must have found Naima’s stash of ganja.  I agree, keep the quiet voice and be silent.

Pia struts her stuff on the glamour shoot. She has so much eye make-up on though, you can’t see her eyes.  Just a big long part in her hair, some lips and black eyes. Pia knows how to work what she’s got.  Wish I could work anything.  Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me…shocker, she is singing a ballad.  Well, she loves this song, but she has to give it some edge.  Please give us a challenge and give it some edge, I am begging!  She is wearing J-Lo’s dress’ twin.  Well, no edge here tonight.  She is sharing the stage with some other singers.  She is singing great, but I am getting bored by her.  I want her to try something different.  I want to see if she has any personality at all.  Steven is gushing.  She nailed it blah, blah, blah.  Jen is dying to add her 2 cents. She felt her…Mark Anthony is psyched…3 some???  Randy loves her and is defending his comment of picking ballads.  I agree with everything he is saying.  The judges are in love.

Bring on Stefano.  He annoys me for some reason.  I don’t know why.  He is singing Tiny Dancer.  Well he is tiny.  Jimmy isn’t convinced he can pull it off.  Do you notice every week Jimmy rides his ass week after week???  I wonder if he secretly doesn’t like him either?  Maybe he should keep the tight pants to reach those high notes in the chorus.  I feel like I am watching a Broadway show.  Too obvious he can’t hit the notes the way he is handling the chorus.  It is waaaaay tooooo sloooow.  Jennifer will love it.  So her critiques don’t count.  He is singing to her too.  How freakin’ cheesy!  That was not good.  I am sure I will be proven wrong.  Jennifer starts off.  She could really feel him and he took note of their critiques, it was amazing.  PUKE!  Randy noticed he kept his eyes open and connected with the audience and not stay in his head. Steven also thought it was a very nice job too.  Steven even mentioned his voice is usually Broadway.  Man I am good! 

Mrs. Future Seacrest is up next…Lauren.  She glammed up pretty good!  She is singing candle In The Wind.  She loves this song and Jimmy loves her! She is showing her soft side.  She is coming out of the blocks strong! She put her own soft spin on it and I personally like it.  It sounds a little country but not over the top.  She is controlled.  Good job little one.  It is strong and bluesy.  She is really trying new things with her voice.  Mixing it up.  Loved it!  Randy thinks it was one of her greatest performances.  Steven loves her.  I think he wants to adopt her.  Jennifer says it is amazing.  Best of the night! YAYA!!!  WOO HOO!  Watch out Pia…my girl is coming!

Now we have James….I bet he sings Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds….but I will probably be wrong or it could be Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting???  Yep It is Saturday Night’s Alright.  He is going to Rocki it.  He is using the audience as the stage.  I hope he can pull it off.  He needs to hit the stage at the part of the song that is alright.  He is glamberting it out.  He must have sung in front of the mirror a ton when he was a kid shunned by his peers so when it was his time he could give them all the huge Middle Finger.  The kid really is electric and fun.  It does sound a bit karaoke but that is ok… The flaming piano is over the top.  It was entertaining.  Steven says he brought the heat and has a good rock voice.  Jen is in total agreement.  She forgets that she is watching a competition.  Randy loves the fact he enjoys himself out there.  Good for you James!  FU to all the kids that picked on him…he is on stage and you are all at home on your couch watching him.

I better get a quick nap in…Thia is on deck.  I am going to make a double espresso….be right back.  She is singing Daniel.  SNORE FEST ON DECK!  The only thing fun about Thia is saying her name Thia Megia.  Jimmy isn’t convinced her song choice is great.  Stop with the dramatic songs.  She is channeling when her brother moved away.  Jimmy pretty much says sell it.  Fog machine working the stage….oh, she is in the clouds…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….I don’t care how much you feel a song, we are bored by her lack of charisma.  She has a great voice but that is not enough to sell records.  Thia get on the plane with Daniel…here come the judges.  Jen said it was beautiful and well suited for her voice.  Randy liked it was relaxed but he didn’t like the fact that it was safe.   Steven thinks she sang a great Elton John song WELL.  Key word is WELL.  Bottom 3 bound with Naima, and possibly Stefano.  Paul will be safe because he is the vote for the worst pick.  Tragic but true!

Adult cabbage patch Casey is at the photo shoot and obviously not a recipient of a glam make over.  He is over staying his welcome I think.  He is too hammy.  I liked him at the start of the competition but now I am like????  He is like the last cookie in the box.  You like it but you just ate 23 do you need that 24^th???Trim that friggin’ bush on your face.  Jimmy made Casey watch himself on stage.  He says he went from a guy killing every week to a guy killing himself.  Good point Jimmy.  I am beginning to really like you even though you wear those foolish blue tinted glasses in doors!  Shit or get off the pot is what he is saying.  He has chosen one of my favorites Your Song.  He is trimming the bush on his face and taking this thing seriously.  Good job.  Hope you do this song justice.  He is!!!!  Yay.  Humble Casey is likeabale and back in this thing for real.  We can blame the last 2 weeks on pain medication.  If he keeps this up he will go further than he was in his old campy role.  Not going to win it but will be in the top 5.  He sang the song with control and fire.  Welcome back!  Randy starts off with a we were right to save you.  It was nice and tender.  Well done.  Steven also agrees.  He is a big fan because he sings different every time. Jennifer also pats herself on the back for saving him too.  Love fest for their decision and for Casey’s stellar comeback.

Jacob will be hitting the stage.  I liked Jacob last week.  I like Jacob as a performer, but I always feel like he only wants to sing the chorus of songs and doesn’t care about the stuff before it and after it.  He is a shouter, but from the online buzz is predicted to be the upset winner.  He is singing Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word….he loved Mary J. Blige’s version who happened to be in the back of the room and he got to meet her.  I bet he is definitely inspired.  I hope he doesn’t over dramatize it just like jimmy said.  Is Jimmy reading my blogs????  It is starting out a little rough.  He sounds hoarse.  He is such a drama king.  Then he looks angry out of the corner of his eye.  I always think he is on the verge of crying.  I am not blown away.  He nails the chorus once again, but the stuff before and after was lacking.  I would never buy it.  They will love it I am sure.  Steven loved the whole thing.  Jennifer named dropped to tricky for the arrangement.  He loved that last note.  I did too because it meant it was over.  Randy wants him to go all the way up and shine with that note.  I am just puzzled by him.  He is safe.

Last but not least is Haley.  I predict she will make an amazing come back this week.  She has been fighting the good fight and fighting the odds.  She knows what she can do and what she wants to do, but she has to convince the judges to trust her choices and listen to her even if they don’t agree on her choice.  Do you all know what I mean???  I think the judges may be too personally invested in these kids because they picked them and have nurtured them.  They are like stage parents.  OK I am not sure of her pick this week…my old favorite song Benny and the Jets.  My dad used to make me sing this song to all of his friends and our family when I was 5 or 6…she is singing it like a torch song.  A different take on it….I like it.  I was hard on her at times but I really like her voice.  It is clear but raspy at the same time and has a nice tone to it.  A fun song to sing and she did it justice.  She took a chance and nailed.  Actually one of my favorites of the night.  Good for you!  Loved it.  Come on randy, you have to give her props for that.  Jennifer is psyched.  It all came together tonight for her.  Amazing, amazing.  Randy gives it the best performance of the night and I have to totally agree.  Steven says she sings sexy.  WOW!  All three loved her.

Looks like my two picks to go home this week  are:  Naima and Paul….if Paul is the vote for the worst pick then I would have to say either Stefano or Thia.

Real Housewives O.C.: A New Lease On Life

Real Housewives O.C.: A New Lease On Life

Gretchen and her new surgically altered face start off this episode.  She is going shopping with Alexis and Peggy.  She promptly answers the door with a tiara on and goes into it all over again with Alexis.  Let it goooooooo!  They are dressed to the nines and head out the door.  Gretchen announces she wants to drive and shows her the new Mercedes in the drive-way.  I know Alexis isn’t smarter than the average bear, but I am sure she noticed the car when she pulled up to her house.  Let’s shout and giggle and head off shopping J  Peggy shows up and is met by the wonder twins.  They try on fierce boots and start to gush over each other and start the love fest.  Alexis might have to get a couple of pairs.  She probably should since she may be living in the shoes pretty soon.  Gretchen gives a dig to Jo and to Peggy.  How catty??? 

Here comes politically incorrect Vicki.  I feel the need to always fast forward when she is on the screen, but can’t because she is annoyingly addictive.  She is re-doing the house in Coto to prepare it to sell, unbeknownst to Don.  Her contractor seems to be annoyed by her but goes along for the ride.  Vicki insults the Mexican worker and whips out the checkbook.  She doesn’t like anything standard, the contractor points out it is standard size.  Ugh…isn’t she supposed to be smart?  Poor Don is stuck for a little while longer with this whack-a-doo!  She just does what she wants to do.  Again, emasculates Don in one swoop!  I sooooo hope he dumps her and not the other way around!

The wonder twins and plastic Peggy head off for dinner.  They are so super cool!  They all agree to take bites of each other’s meals.  That is so friend-like.  Alexis is having a party.  A Spa party.  They start to talk about Vicki and Tamra.  Gretchen is fueling the fire when the Tamra name is mentioned.  I wonder if dead horse is on the menu because they keep beating it.   Is that what they do to pay for dinner instead of washing dishes?  Next we hear about Slade’s manhood and how it can adjust to hard or soft according to Gretchen’s mood or needs.  I think they call that the Viagra wearing off Gretch!  Now we hear Alexis and Peggy compete with closet sex stories.  Yah, no competition there Alexis.  Even Peggy notices.  We do learn that Alexis ties Jim up with D &G, Louis and Chanel scarves and blindfolds him.  Maybe so he can fantasize about having sex with himself.  He is in love with himself afterall.  I love that Gretchen said Alexis lives on Jesus lane.  Too funny!

Tamra is having lunch with Vicki.  They are talking about last year.  Tamra is catching Vicki up on her year.  Vicki is complaining about renovating the house and her utility bills.  Life is just hard….Tamra is explain the ins and outs of divorce to Vicki.  Tamra is sooo happy and upbeat and in love with Eddie.  They are going to Spain.  He loves to travel.  Vicki is proud that Tamra hasn’t exposed the kids to Eddie.  Yay, the good housekeeping seal of approval. Tamra and her Hamburger Helper budget suggests they take a trip to Cabo.  Vicki is all in J She gets her Tamra all to herself.

Jim and Alexis are blessing themselves for the car ride to San Diego.  Alexis is stuck with the kids, the nanny and all the work.  Her son wants to ride with daddy, but he doesn’t want any part of it.  I get the feeling the kids are supposed to be paraded around and then put away.  He isn’t really daddy material.  They forget the Nanny’s bag.  Good thing she is Christian and the assistant can bring the bag down.  Jim is riding solo and trying to make a call and the phone won’t work.  The kids pull up next to him and they are waving, Jim wanting no part of it floors it to get away from them.  Douche!

Peggy is filling her kids up with holistic concoctions.  They are super healthy plastic kids,  The mother in law shows up because she is a super holistic guru.  She is a little slow and out there and looks to be only a few years older than Peggy LOL.  She is setting peggy up with this new age super bracelet to ward off bad energy and aging.  She probably should wrap herself in it…Must be nice to have money to blow on shit!  Peggy has to pee in a cup to see how she is aging.  The mother-in-law doesn’t even put on gloves when she handles the pee.  Yuck.  Peggy is hitting menopause but never actually says it….duh, mood swings happen when you are 50…..oh I mean late 30 or early 40.

Gretchen and Viagra man are preparing to go to palm Springs to visit her two gay friends.  She is bringing the entire closet.  She is barely dressed while Slade loads the car.  The bikes are fastened to the back of the car but Gretchen thinks it is too loose.  I suspect Gretchen is losing interest in Slade.  She is constantly on him.  I think she is tired of bankrolling everything.  The luster is wearing off….she only really needs him to bang her. He is not a catch and she knows it, but can’t do anything about it just yet.  She has to save face, although she does have a new face.  She can’t stand to listen to the Vicki I told you so’s I bet. 

The Jesus Freaks arrive in San Diego.  Jim the control freak begins to bark orders right off the bat.  He is soooo annoying.  He has the bellman remove furniture.  Then he attempts to take the kids out to fly a kite on a day without wind.  Alexis is schlepping around the suite getting things in order and of course to be there for Jim’s beck and call.  He is like having a giant 4 year old.  Jim is the boss.  I’m hungry, let’s order room service…in other words, go get me some food bitch.

Gretchen and Slade are still in the car and Slade is just about to get his ass reamed by Barbie because the bike falls off the rack.  She is going to do the bikes next time.  She knows best.  They show up at the friend’s house and the berating continues.  Awkward.  Gretchen loves these guys because they tell her how hot she is all the time and how awesome she is.  It is a mutal support system where they all build themselves up.  They bring value to each other’s lives.  That is straight out of G’s mouth, I can’t make that shit up.  How appropriate that the 2 friends are riding a tandem bike.  Just saying!

Back to Jesus Freaks….they are praying over breakfast and he is barking order to Alexis.  Jesus, let the girl eat and get off your papal ass and get your own ketchup and toast.  Alexis is so thankful that God gave her Jim because he is a such a good man and has money.  God giveth and he takes away….be careful Alexis!  We all know the scoop there.

Tamra is in traffic talking to Eddie on her bejeweled blackberry.  She is giddy and in love.  He is 5 years younger than her and thinks about it all the time.  She needs to stay hot so he won’t leave her or be mistaken for his mother.  This isn’t going to last people.  I can tell you that right now.  I think we should all say “OPORTUNIST” in unison. 

Well, we are off to a new shopping spree for Alexis….but here is the kicker it is really for Jim.  He is buying watches.  Who really still wears a watch?  He gets 2 watches to the tune of 27,000.00.  Alexis is teased with a ring but doesn’t get anything.  LOL.  She is his best accessory we are reminded.  He is such a freaking’ poser.  I bet they never really bought both watches.  Alexis is practically begging for Jim to buy something for her but he isn’t getting sucked in.  They keep walking down the street as he admires his new watch.  He likes the bling and the show.  I bet he wears a big tacky pinky ring too!

Tamra and Eddie pull up to the restaurant.  We finally get to see the latin lover.  They are all over each other.  Tamra asks who wouldn’t want to hump him???  Ummm ME!  I think he is a switch hitter.  They meet up with Tamra’s business partner.  He feels like the 3^rd wheel and he should because he is.  It is awkward.  Tamra of course has to let the waitress know they pokey’d before they got there.  She is holding onto him for dear life.  My goodness, Eddie oozes I am GAY!  Tamra’s thinking God really loves her and gave her a gift….probably herpes!  Karma is a bitch Tamra and he is going to dump your ass soon.  FYI!

Gretchen, Slade and her fan club are talking marriage at the restaurant.  Gretchen is picking at Slade’s eating a fattening dinner, then tells her she doesn’t want to marry him, just lease him.  The writing is on the wall Slade, she really isn’t that into you…..start looking for a new housewife to glom onto.  Tamra’s name comes up again!  I am just tuning it out now.  Why didn’t Gretchen have those two warts on her face removed when they rebuilt it?  She covers them with make-up but you can still see them.  The gay couple can totally see Gretchen is making Slade uncomfortable, they keep making faces.  She thinks if they lease each other because there is always a possibility they can be traded in for something better.

Next up is the cougar fetish/soft porn tub scene with Tamra.  Simon is going to flip out when he sees this. Tamra is in the bathroom running a bubble bath and lighting candles while Eddie is down stairs blowing them out.  She slithers into the water and beckons for Eddie.  Cue the porn music.  She invites him in.  He looks at her and throws back the rest of his wine, which happens to be a full glass.  It is almost as if he has to get liquored up to be attracted to her.  It is really awkward.  He really didn’t look  like he wanted to get in the tub, but camera is rolling and he wants the exposure.  They get into the tub and Tamra says I love you and he responds with a You love me???  Not the standard I love you too, you are so hot.   They are making out , and I suspect doing other naughty things under the water judging by the look on her face.  Then they are on top of each other doing more naughty things under the water.  Ok, here is where I wonder what the camera man is thinking.  Is he wondering to himself, should I really be here right now?  Do they yell cut and then start packing stuff up or do they just tip toe out of the room???  This was pretty graphic for Bravo and kind of scary to watch.  Simon is going to have a field day with this one.  Well, at least she can be a cougar/fetish porn star if the real estate gig doesn’t pan out.  A new low for Tamra!  All the soft lighting in the world didn’t help her out either…Eddie still looked like he was taking a tubby with his mom!  The amount of love is just insane according to Tamra.  No sweetheart, you are just plain old INSANE!

American idol Top 12 Eliminations

American idol Top 12 Eliminations:

Who’s dream is going to get dashed tonight???  I thought Naima, Paul and Karen.  Will I be right?  The 80’s and early 90’s didn’t really turn out very many singable songs for these wannabees. Will we have a group number or will they do something special for Japan?  Wow is Jennifer really impressed with herself tonight.  Steven looks like he is in Liberace’s pj’s and Randy is the fat fonzie.  Lee Dewyze is in the house tonight and the Black Eye peas.  I have heard Fergie looks frightening…I can’t wait to see her!

Why are they singing Born to Be Wild?  That wasn’t made when any of them were born.  Well, Jacob butchered that song.  The girls sound like American Idol Top 12 Eliminations

crap too.  Here comes Cougar idol Stefano and the adult cabbage patch trying to sound tough….oh they are doing a mash up.  How original…Not.  The Glee crew would kick their asses in a sing off.  Why is Jacob holding onto his crotch???  There aren’t any high notes the guys have to reach.  I did not enjoy the Brady Bunch sing along tonight.

Ford music video…at the Drive-In.  not even going to comment on it.  Not worth it.  LAME-O!  These little videos are a waste of time because they are only on this show.  If they ran on regular commercial blocks then maybe I would be interested.

Now we are getting to know funny things about the Idols…these should be pretty bubble gum.  I bet nobody says they can fart to music or on cue.  Karen can make funny noises with her throat….is that what she is doing when she sings?  Thia being boring Thia collects quarters with her grandpa.  Scotty can wiggle his ears.  He can probably fly to New York with them too if the air blows in the right direction.  Jacob is a square and doesn’t go to clubs…oh my that is hilarious, I am rolling on the ground, that is so funny, I am being sarcastic! Casey is an avid moonwalker, really he is probably baked all the time and thinks he is actually walking on the moon.  Karen is also fluent in Spanish and English and studied French for 6 years.  Oh boy is she going to sing in 3 languages if she is around next week?  She can be known as the tri-lingual idol. James wanted to be a wrestler and learn how to speak Swedish.  Lauren can only speak one language and I am not convinced it is English at times but claims she can speak Spanish.  Stefano wants to speak an African language…ok, why? Naima is speaking Vulcan.  Pia is fluent in English.  Ok, good thing you are good looking, because you don’t seem that bright.  Haley is not able to speak in any language but she can speak in many accents, Scotty is doing a redneck British accent, but is using Australian terms.  Lauren claims she doesn’t have an accent, but now we have Thia waking up from her coma to imitate her, and Haley the master of accents doing it too.  Lauren is dumbfounded…or just dumb.  Paul has a 14 year old weiner dog…(I thought he was going to say he had a 14 year old weiner)…that smells bad and is blind.  Good thing this wasn’t mad libs! Pia has a bleeped out dog, I am guessing it is a shit-zu and it sings. Lauren is proving to be the actual funny one in this clip because she is deadpan and throwing the jabs.  Love it.  She is the winner tonight.  Notice they only showed Stefano once….he must have been visiting Jennifer’s dressing room during the filming of this clip and Jacob must have been out making his pants tighter for the high notes.

Dim the lights, here we go…cue the Irish music…Jacob, Lauren and Casey are called up.  Jacob is the only one I would think is in trouble but I bet all 3 make it through.  Jennifer must have gotten her hands on Ryan’s spray tan machine because she looks like a carrot with silver eye shadow…Randy just gave us a singing lesson and now we are about to hear Jacob’s fate, he is safe.  Lauren is next in line.  She is so smitten with Ryan and she is safe.  Casey is up last.  He went out on a limb last night but I think he is safe.  Ryan asks Steven about the goop and I think he caught him eating a snack…Casey is safe.

Next group….Haley and Paul.  I think Haley is safe and Paul is in trouble….What is the deal with the feathers in the hair every results week???  Haley is…..oh, we go to Paul who we are reminded had a cold as well, Steven has feathers in his hair too….one of these two are in the bottom 3.  Haley is in the bottom 3 and Paul is safe.  I am scratching my head thinking huh???  Paul was HORRIBLE!  He must be the vote for the worst pick this year.  Is he our new Sanjaya???

Here come Lee Dewyze. Oh, I notice that Stefano has someone watching him….Marc Anthony is in the audience ready to protect what is his.  Lee is such a sweetie.  The song is a bit too slow and sad….he has a great voice.  He needs the right song to showcase it.  He was my favorite last season.  Why can’t these guys come up with a fun, fired up song?  Nobody listens to ballads anymore! 

Back to toad face Seacrest and more results….why do we have to dim the lights???  Scotty, Pia and James.  This is a no brainer.  All 3 are safe.  Don’t waste our time with this.  Scotty is safe.  Pia is up next.  She is safe.  Why does she look shocked?  Acting is not your forte’, stick to singing.  James is last and he is safe. 

Stefano and Naima…well we know Stefano is safe.  Naima is not but let’s officially hear it from the orange toad….Jennifer just flirted again and reiterated that Stefano should sing to me….Marc Anthony is getting what looks like a comb in his pocket but is really a switch blade ready to take out Stefano….good thing Pit bull is sitting next to the little squirt to help him take down Stefano!  Naima hears what the judges thought of her last night.  She is trying her hardest to look brave, but she has to know her ass is out…..and Orange toad spills the beans and Naima is bottom 3.

Karen and Thia are up next.  Karen has to be the bottom 3. Thia is boring, but a better singer.  Thia actually looks like Pocahontas tonight.  She needs to wake up from this haze and be feisty!  Is it too late for her???  Karen might have the Latin wall of voters backing her….and maybe the French since she can speak that language too…..let’s hear what Ryan has to tell us…Thia is safe.  She can go back to sleep on the couch!  Karen is probably trying to get Marc Anthony’s attention in the audience to replace Jennifer.  We all know she secretly wants to be Jennifer with a dash of Selena.

Next up we get to see Frightening Fergie and the Black Eye Peas…Just Can’t Get Enough is what they are singing.  Fergie’s face is rounder and her eyes are kind of droopy.  I think she looks different because they aren’t heavily lined with liner.  She is going more natural.  She isn’t her usual fierce self. All I know is her husband is damn hot. She had cheek filler injected….a brow lift and I suspect a boob job.  Boring song.

Bottom 3…Naima, Haley and Karen.  Haley will be sent back I bet….I am wrong again!  Naima is sent back to the couch.  Karen and haley.  I bet Karen is gone.  They won’t save her either.  I got that one right Haley is safe.  She is going to sing for her life.  I wonder what language she will choose???  English and Spanish….throw some French in there Karen, you can do it….damn, she didn’t do it.  Jennifer isn’t going to keep her around.  You know she calls the shots.  I am going to fast forward through this because I don’t remember much Spanish and it sounds horrible in any language.  See ya karen!  No save for you.  Vayos Condios My darling!  Go join a pageant in Miami.  Begging is not attractive!  The vote was not unanimous, but they aren’t saving her.

American Idol Top 12

American idol Top 12

What the heck is Steven Tyler wearing?  J-Lo is wearing another animal print…shocking…Randy must have gotten the message not to wear a cardigan and instead borrowed one of his kid’s oxford shirts.  Ryan isn’t looking as orange this week.  Spray tanner must have gotten clogged.

What is the theme this week????  Is it time to give these guys nicknames yet or should we wait for the top 10???  This week the idols are singing songs from the year they were born…oh God I am going to feel old.

1984 Naima was born.  Her mother was a singer so of course she is following in her footsteps.  Guess Naima is going to channel Tina Turner and sing What’s Love Got To Do With It?  She is struggling out of the gate…she is all over the place.  She only can sing choruses well and not the regular parts of the song.  She can’t make this song current.  It was bad in the 80’s.  I bet they will refer to the vibrato and how it wasn’t strong……at least her braids didn’t get stuck in her earrings this week.  Steven loves her but I think he loves her story and feels bad for her.  Jennifer comes out strong and doesn’t give her the pass this week for her being pitchy.  Good catch Jen.  Rand agrees with me and Jen.  Flavor only works in food not music!  She is in trouble….no save card for her.  I don’t think she will be around long enough to nickname her, but we can call her Tidy-Bowl

1984 again….I was a sophomore in high school.  There I said it.  His parents are gushing over Paul.  He is sooooo wonderful.  He is singing I Guess that Is Why They call It The Blues.  He is going to butcher this song.  Wrong choice!  He is going to be joining Naima in the bottom 2 I suspect.  If we were picking a nickname for him it would be Helium Joe Cocker with a twist of Elaine.  This is awful.  I feel like I am at the Royal panda during last call of the karaoke night.  Give me a Pupu platter to go because I can’t stick around for the rest of this song!  He is entertaining if you mute the TV.  Jennifer notices he was struggling but she liked him.  Randy laughed and differs with Jen he says he is pitchy but he made the song his own.  Well if you own it, keep it Paul.  Steven loves his swagger.  Not his voice.  Bottom 3 bound….

1995 was the year Thia was born.  I have underwear older than her.  She was the perfect baby of course and of course her mother sang to her.  She is singing Colors Of The Wind.  She kind of looks like Pocahontas….hmmmm…..I bet she sings it without the band.  She sucks with a full band and she knows it.  She is sooooo boring to watch, but she has a nice voice.  Her songs are so boring.  How are younger viewers going to connect to her?  How is she going to guest star of Glee being so boring?  The judges will love her but I hope they tell her to liven it up a bit.  Randy starts off with what I am thinking, she is too old for her age.  She is too pageanty.  Man I should be a judge on this show.  Steven disagrees and wonders if she sang as song that reminds her of herself.  Jennifer chimes in an reminds her they know she can sing.  She just needs to get out of the safe zone.  I think her age is shining through.  She is over her head, but safe.  I think we should label her the Snoozer

We are journeying to the year  1989 with James.  Poor thing must be really nervous tonight because he was really twitching during the interview with Ryan.  It only happened after he mentioned Kate Hudson. He is singing I’ll Be There For You by Bon Jovi.  His nickname will be Hetero Lambert.  He is safe.  He is singing in key, it is fun and he is working the stage. Now we are waiting for the strategic high note yell…and there it is.  The pace is a bit fast and it ended a little pitchy but all in all the best performance so far tonight.  I was beginning to fall asleep.  Steven is afraid he is getting too poppy on him.  He really knows how to  work the crowd.  Jennifer loves him too.  She was singing along.  Randy brings everyone down to Earth but says he did a good job and tastefully added the yell.  Steven agrred to sing a song with James this season.  Love it. Yay James J

Here comes Haley form the year 1990.  Her parents are in a band. Of course we see the mom singing Black Velvet.  Kind of creepy….this chick is lost in the shuffle.  She doesn’t know how to pick the right songs poor thing.  What can we call her….let’s think about this while she sings and get back to it.  She is tackling a Whitney Houston Song….dumb choice when Randy already doesn’t feel you…I’m Your baby Tonight.  Look at the lip stick smear all over her face!  She is banging the mircrophone with her lips and hitting her singing is OK.  She will be safe I am sure but she has to pick a direction.  We could call her Smear face.  The judges think she is awkward.  Ryan is now trying to give the poor girl a hand by fixing her smeared face.  She can sell that hanky on E-Bay when she goes home.  What a good guy.  Randy is coming down on her hard and reminding her that she doesn’t know what kind of singer she is.  Steven will come to the rescue.  He is finally giving her direction.  Go the blues route.  Thank you Steven you narrowed the range down set last week.  Between Alicia Keys and Stevie Nicks is a huge gap.  That is like saying between Massachusetts and Idaho is where I want to live.

Stefano is up next.  That is Jennifer’s secret crush.  She wants to be Mrs. Robinson to him.  Stefano was born in 1989.  He loves his Grandfather.  They just showed a picture of Grandpa in front of his music store.  The picture makes the guy look like a ghost!  He is singing a Simply Red Song if You don’t Know Me By Now.  He just gave a big put down to some songs from the 89…what is wrong with Millie Vanilli, Tone-Loc and New Kids on The Block???  They have something you don’t, a hit record.  Excuse me Mr. Music Snob.  Jimmy the producer is hard on him….he reminds him it is easy to sing the song if you know the words, it’s all written down in English.  Yikes.  He sings the song just fine.  I wanted him to forget the words.  I think Jennifer is having the big “O” listening to him.  She is quite smitten.  I wonder if this is a child she gave up for adoption she really has taken a huge interest in him.  He judges love him.  He is in it to win it they announce.  He really was the best of the night so far.  I have to give it to him.  Mark Anthony better watch out!  His nickname is Cougar Bait.  Jennifer reminds him to keep singing to her and keep looking into her eyes.  Easy Mrs. Robinson.  There are 11 more kids you have to pretend to like.

1988 brought us the lovely Ms. Pia.  This chick had pipes even at 4 years old. She belted out a Whitney song better than some of the past season’s contestants at the ripe young age of 4.  She chose another Whitney song to do tonight.  Where Do Broken Hearts Go.  I am sure she will sleigh it.  Not liking the outfit but as usual she sounds strong and fierce.  Why does she have to be good looking and sing beautifully?  I want to hate her but I can’t.  I am not that crazy for the arrangement but that’s no biggee.  We can call her Eye Candy Idol.  Steven is in love.  Jennifer is in love.  Randy is in love.  Love, love, love.  Pia is also in it to win it.  Randy is in hyper over drive.  I think this is going to be the winner unless she really blows it along the way….

Steven looks like he may have fallen off of his chair during the break….Jennifer just asked him if he was alright.  1993 brought us Scotty.  When will he drop the “Y” and just become Scott?  He loves Elvis.  Hilarious looking at the pictures of him dressed as Elvis!  He really is a funny kid.  To look at him you would think he had no personality.  He is singing Travis Triit’s song Can I Trust You With My Heart.  If I liked country music I would be in love with his voice.  It is rich, deep and properly twanged.  He is nailing this song.  I remember this song from the days listening to Young Country in Texas.  Good for you little fella!  I love the fact he doesn’t feel the need to wear a hat  and starched Wrangler jeans just because he is country.  The judges are happy with the performance.  The crowd likes him.  He took chances and they are happy.  Randy name drops and recites his resume.  He is happy with the performance.  Steven still recovering from his fall says he is going to go places.  I think poor Scotty looks like the guy from Mad magazine.  Alfred E. Newman Idol. 

Karen is up next.  Looking very Selena/J-Lo like.  I think she is a secret stalker.  Kind of creepy if you ask me.  Jennifer has got to see it and feel a little uncomfortable.  She is singing a song from the year  1989.  We see her taking a bath in a recycle bin in one of her pictures.  You couldn’t find another photo to give the producers????  She is singing a Taylor Dane Song Love Will Lead You Back.  She doesn’t want to be known as the Spanish singing Idol.  Whatever works, use it dopey!  She is singing but her earrings are distracting  and that big Amadala hair poof on the top of her head.  Yikes, here comes the Spanish verse.  She is pitchy and not that good.  Spanish verse kind of killed her.  Bottom 3….Randy says it started rough, but better than last week.  Steven loves it when she breaks into her ethnic whatitisness.  Jennifer is trying to be supportive.  Perform from your heart and watch how it translates….will it translate in English or Spanish???  We can call her Selena Wannabee Idol .

Tamyra Grey is in the audience tonight as well as the old Irish Idol.  1991 is the year Casey was born.  He has old parents, but they are so cool.  I could hang with them.  They are funny.  They are like old pot heads.  They are like the parents in Valley girl…one of my favorite movies.  He is singing a Nirvana Song.  Smells Like Teen Spirit.  First Nirvana song ever.  Could be interesting could be a bomb, could be great.  We shall see.  Oh Casey….good thing America likes you because this isn’t that great.  He sounds too angry.  Kind of brought the show to a screeeeeeeching halt.  I like this song but not this version.  At least he is out there taking a chance.  He is looking crazed.  Maybe his pain pills have altered his mellow personality…Hmmmm.  Let’s see if Randy recites the bands he played with over the years.  Steven likes his goop.  Jennifer is on the fence, but still loves him.  She loves him so much and thinks he is still sexy.  Yah right.  Randy kind of recites his resume, and loved how he put art first and likes that he is fearless.  He still looks like an adult cabbage patch kid.  We will refer to him as Adult Cabbage patch Kid.

Lauren is up next.  She is holding 2 masks to drop the hint she is battling the flu.  She brought one for Ryan.  She is so out there tonight.  I wonder what she is on.  She is soooo slow!  I think she wants to marry Ryan Seacrest when she is a big girl.  She was born in 1994.  Her mother looks like a middle aged Hannah Montanna.  Let it go mama and dress your age!  She is tackling Melissa Etheridge’s I’m The Only One.  One of my favorite songs.  I hope she bounced back from last week.  I liked her all along.  She may sneak up and catch Pia.  Who knows.  You can tell she is feeling horrible.  She is glassy but is hitting the high notes.  The low notes are a little shakey.  She is belting it out and it is working.  What a trooper.  She is working the crowd.   Good come back.  The judges are going to like it.  She pushed herself and that’s what they wanted.  Jennifer was singing along so that is a good sign.  Steven and Randy were bobbing along.  He judges said very very good job.  Randy says have a cold every week.  Steven agrees.  She is safe.  A Shining star.  I think she is Steven’s favorite. She is I Want to be Mrs. Seacrest Idol.

Last but not least we have Mr. Spa man himself Jacob.  He was born in 1987.  He reminds me of a skinny version of Sherman Clump for some reason.  He is singling Alone by Heart.  The only Idol to sing this and nail it was Carrie Underwood.  I don’t know about this choice.  I hope he doesn’t yell it.  He always looks like he is on the verge of tears.  He is too opera like for me.  He just likes to sing choruses and high notes.  I know the judges will like his gospel flava, but I just don’t like it.  It always sounds like he is screaming and his pants are too tight so he has to sing really really high.  Oh Jacob, I want to like your singing because I do find you entertaining to watch.  I am going to have to call you Sir Screech A lot.  Carrie Underwood still has the best Idol version in my book.  Let’s see how wrong I am.  Randy says good job.  He was pitchy but found himself.  He was genius at some point in the song.  I might have to play the tape back to see what I missed.  Steven is in awe.  Jennifer is amazed by him.  We have a competition!  OK, maybe my ears are blocked or something.  I don’t get it.

Well we did learn one thing tonight.  Every kid is special in their parent’s eyes.  They are all super child prodigies.  Naima, Paul and Karen are in trouble.  My picks for the bottom 3.  We have some tentative nicknames for the future Idols and I just don’t get Jacob’s  singing.

The Real Housewives of Miami: Waterfront and Center

The Real Housewives of Miami: Waterfront and Center

Let me guess, Lea will start off the episode still ranting about Kristi and her lack of payment for the gala tickets…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!  Shocker we get to see Larsa and her new pet purchases.  A lizard, a tortoise and a bunny.  None of them will play with them in a week.  Just take them to the zoo.  Taking care of the pets teaches them responsibility…according to super mom larsa then contradicts herself and says she hopes the nannies will take care of them.

Alexia shows up at a pig farm to buy a pig to slaughter for a real authentic Cuban meal.  In the Latin culture it is popular to do a pig.  Boy ain’t that the truth.  Her husband looks like a Cuban country western star.  Herman is going to cook the pig.  What a catch he is.  He cooks pigs and owns a magazine.  They slaughter the pig and throw it in the trunk of the Mercedes and off they go.

Marysol and Phillipe are dining in an empty restaurant.  He asks her to marry him.  She looks shocked, then it sinks in…then she tries to convince herself she is happy.  Remember she told us she was starting to love him last episode.  H gives her this big ass ring.  It looks like costume jewelry.  He actually bought it off her mother.  How quaint.  They decide to elope to Colorado to get married in the snow.   Here is something I don’t get…marysol’s accents vary to whoever she is with…..when she is giving the camera an interview she sounds normal, then when she is with Phillipe she sounds Cubanish….hmmm.  This marriage won’t last or probably even happen.

Alexia has the pig in the house and Herman is trying to get her to hold onto it so he can season it.  She struggles with the thought.  She tries to help but fails.  Finally Herman just manhandles this pig and gets the job done!  Impressive, but still gross! 

Lea the bag lady goes shopping with a friend.  Lourdes has taste and dresses well.  Lea has no intention of buying decent clothes.  She is an eccentric old bat.  She actually tries clothes on over clothes and wonders why things don’t fit well or look good.  She is so friggin’ annoying.  Look at me everyone I am so funny and carefee….Weeeeeee!  PUKE!

It’s Pig Roast night!  Everyone shows up!  Larsa doesn’t eat pork, Lea is appalled by the pig and makes a scene.  Kristi is down with it and is excited.  Apparently Lea doesn’t eat any meat, well she must do it in her closet because not many people that eat just veggies are that dumpy looking!  Marysol is excited about the pig.  Good for her!  Larsa is letting us know she isn’t a big Lea fan.  Kristi lets us know if it was a bunch of Cubans it would be just another day for us.  Good Freakin’ thing she let us know that!

SHUT UP LEA about the damn pig.  Adrianna is actually fanning her.  How stupid is that?  The pig is done and Herman completely goes ballistic carving up the pig in front of the haters.  I love it.  Too freaking funny.  Marysol inhaled the pork.  She loved it.  Have at it girl J  Alexia lets us know she doesn’t eat protein too much.  Then comes the big news, The engagement.  Lea spouts out the most inappropriate comment about how long have they been together so she knows how long it will last and she didn’t know  Phillipe needed a green card.  How freaking tacky!  She tries to cover it up with a laugh but she was way out of line and just made a complete ass out of herself.  Alexia is very happy for her.  They need to cut Lea off.  Way to take the happy out of the moment.  The Vicki of Miami!

Marysol is picking out wedding dresses with her gay friend and her cat woman mom.  Mom tries to act excited about the ring and acted like she had never seen it before.  But we all know it is part of her estate jewelry.  Marysol starts modeling dresses.  She looks great in all of them.  Cat woman is so frightening to look at but she has grown on me.  She is funny as hell.  She must have gotten a 2 for 1 cheek implant procedure with Marysol. 

Larsa is actually holding her daughter.  She is calling for another nanny.  She wants the perfect nanny that is not old and not good looking.  She has too many kids and not enough help.  Then only pump out what you can handle…oh yeah more alimony for the kids if Scottie dumps your ass.

Kristi and Alexia are going to model in a fund raiser.  They looooove to support the local designers.  Alexia is very friendly with all the Latin designers. Kristi is super excited….yippee.  I wonder if Lea will crash the party???

Adrianna’s art show wasn’t as profitable as she thought, but Lea did buy her portrait.  Marco’s is being blamed for the failure.  Could it be that she isn’t quite the art afficianado she thought she was?  Lea is telling us how she saved Adrianna.  Lea is putting Adrianna on the spot.  She is prying into her personal life.  Adrianna is curious if there are problems at home.  She knows she is on a budget and struggling.  Bills are piling up and she is fighting with her fiancée Fredric.  She is paying 30 grand for her kids school and she needs to get real and find a public school!  Lea basically tells her to smarten up.  Lea tells her she will help her.  Lea really loves this girl and wants to help her.  Adrianna doesn’t live the lifestyle of sacrifice.  Lea is going to organize a fundraiser to get the tuition.  How pretentious. 

Kristi is dining out with a friend.  All of her best friends are girls she grew up with.  That is cool.  I like that.  Kristi is talking about the bill she got from lea for the gala.  She went there to show support, they didn’t stay and that is that.  Lea sent her a certified letter with pictures and a bill.  Kristi paid it and that is that.

Off to Colorado we go….to the big elopement.  Does silicone freeze?  The happy couple is talking about their big day.  Marysol looks scared shitless!  Phillipe means the world to her.  She looks like she could be his mom.  This is her 3^rd marriage.  I wonder if she has hair extensions???  The back of her hair looks odd.  Philiipe looks smitten or psyched to get that green card.  Another struggle to get through this episode!

The Real Housewives of Miami: Optical Dillusion

The Real Housewives of Miami: Optical Dillusion

Shouldn’t we be calling this the Real Housewives of Havana instead of Miami?  How many times do we have to be reminded that most of them are Cuban?  We aren’t stupid!  I Still haven’t embraced these chicks yet.  I am struggling.  I don’t look at the DVR with anticipation to watch every episode like the other ones.  Hopefully they will grow on me.

So here we go again, control freak Lea is still yapping her plastic trap about the fact Christi crashed the gala.  Her lap dog Adrianna just nods in agreement and Marisol is politically correct.  I like Marisol even though her face is stretched so tight it looks like it may pop.  Leah aggravates me to no end.  She looks like she is new money trying to fit in with the big dogs.  She dresses like she just walked out of Savers at the end of a busy day and there is nothing left to choose from.  Plus, she must have something on Adrianna because she treats her like her “bitch”.  I just don’t get her.  Adrianna ….I am just not going there.  How dare they crash my event and not pay?  I am going to invoice her for the tickets.  Go ahead and do that and let it go!

Kristi and Mrs. Pippen meet at a new club and also rehash the gala….Larsa is digging for dirt but there isn’t any to get.  Larsa has to tell us if she had a flat tire on the way to an event the night would be ruined for her….oh poor pampered princess…that is why God created AAA.  They fix the flat and you go on with your life.

Now the Latinas and lea are waiting for Adrianna at lunch.  She invited them and she is 1 hour and a ½ late.  She starts blabbing about how she is so far behind because of all the things she has to do.  Oh my she is so important!  Guess Mr. Frenchie man couldn’t pick up the slack today! Skip the damn hair appointment and get your ass to lunch!  So while they wait for the queen of Brazil to arrive, they start dishing the dirt on her wild partying….such a loyal group of girls.  Lea of course has to make it a point to let the girls know she can handle the situation.  Alexia makes a comment about Cuban time and Brazillian time and how she thought Cuban time was bad.  Larsa loves to flaunt those plastic boobs of hers!  They are always popping out and her bra is exposed.  They might need to apply for a SAG card if they get anymore screen time.  Lea’s ear perk up when she hears Kristi, Larsa and Adrianna were out until 2AM….She is such a snoop!  She wants to know Adrianna’s every move.  She is so possessive!  Is Adrianna a call girl and Lea is her madame???  Curious friendship there.  I am sure we will find out more as the season drags, oh I mean rolls on.  Adrianna finally shows up with gifts and the girls ask her why don’t you look any different?  Didn’t you get your hair and make up done?  Too funny and obviously a waste of money and time spent!

Back to Adrianna’s gallery.  Miami is a big hub for art….who knew?  I thought New York not Miami.  She is having a show with a lazy Brazillian artist Marcos.  They are far behind in getting all of the pieces done for the show.  He needs 37 pieces but he has about 17.  They are pictures of people on canvas with lines over it.  Looks like Andy Warhol rip offs to me.  Adrianna is stressed out. 

Alexia is having breakfast with her son Peter on the deck.  She is talking about  a graduation party.  Her son wants a DJ that charges $10,000 for 2 hours and I love the fact that she says no way Jose’….She also gives him crap about money he spent on jewelry for his girlfriend.  I think she is the rich Latina version of me.  She harps on her kid like I do.  She reminds him that the money he gets ois their money and he doesn’t have a job.  I like her approach. 

Larsa buys her little brother a car for his 16^th birthday.  Scottie tells her to buy him a Toyota truck….after she starts spewing Lexus , Mercedes, Land Rover over the speaker phone in front of her brother.  Too funny….he loves her family in a Toyota kind of way!

Back to the damn gallery and lazy ass Marcos.  He has messed with the wrong  Chica and she is going to make him pay for this!  He needs to have all the V.I.P. guests pictures on the wall pronto!  If they are not hung she won’t sell them.  I bet ugly Lea will be on the wall.  Speaking of Lea, she is spouting her wisdom on how to handle artists.  She is the yoda of Miami.  Looks like him and sounds like him.

Marisol is still in the weeds this episode.  Where is she???  Where is her scary mom the witch?  Cat woman of Miami here kitty kitty….Here is Philipe and Marysol.  She is starting to fall in love with Phillipe.  Cat woman is getting sauced on wine and insulting Marysol’s boyfriend.  Classic.  She loves men that dress like women.  Marysol could be cute if she didn’t put so much silicone in her cheeks.  Marysol’s mother spills the beans that she is a witch.  Philippe starts to get hot and excuses himself to go wash his hands and splash water on his face.  I think she just scared the shit out of him to be honest.

I am going to skip the part where Larsa and her big boobs go to the car dealership to buy her brother a car.  The kids drives like shit!  She yaps in the back seat and takes turns at 50 MPH….fast forward because I am nodding off!

The art show is going to be a disaster and Adrianna is going to ruin this artist…because she is soooo powerful in Miami but she has a “Blan B”  translation plan B to make everything ok. It’s finally show time and I really don’t see any famous people at the show.  The art is supposed to be famous people in Miami…hmmmm, there is a picture of a guy that looks like barry Gibb from the Bee Gees and they are trying to convince themselves it is Al Pacino in Serpico.  Serpico didn’t take place in Miami, that was Scarface people.  Everyone is looking at the pictures saying “who’s that”.  Kristi shows up and lets us know she collects Cuban art but would love to see Brazillian art.  To simple folks of the world, art is art.  If it looks nice and you like it, buy it.  Larsa and her boobs are here too.  They are looking at Enrique Iglesias and think it is the Incredible Hulk.  Larsa is wondering why there isn’t a picture of her on the wall?  Lea’s is on the wall.  She is famous and would make the gallery much cuter.  Lea shows up looking like Elton John.  The girls compare her to lady gaga.  Not quite ladies.  Lea has absolutely no fashion sense.  She looks like she is a clown.  Adrianna is 2 hours late even though her partner asked her to get there 3 hours ago.  Wow is she in love with herself.  She pulls the ultimate faux paux by introducing another artist and features his talent with the current artist right there.  Talk about giving Marco the big F.U.  That is tacky.  People in the gallery are pissed as well as her partner, but Adrianna doesn’t care.  Shr gushes about this artist. She thinks it is brilliant.  Lea of course offers her pearls of wisdom.  Kristi and Larsa/and the boobs missed this because they got bored and they left.  They came, they saw, they went.  Adrianna found that so rude. 

Man I am sooooo struggling to get through this season!

Real Housewives of O.C.

The Real Housewives of the OC

I must say I love this franchise.  I think it is because they are the originals.  I have lots of hours vested in them and it is fun to see how most of them have evolved over the years.  Some have left, new ones have joined and there is still Vicki clinging on to dear life.  Tonight we meet the newest woman of the pack…Peggy!  Who’s feathers will she ruffle when she in unleashed to the wolves?

We start the night off with Gretchen and Slade.  Slade is essentially working for Gretchen now but she cleverly tells us he gets pain in the bedroom and he is her bitch.  I guess so his ex-wife can’t go after his earnings.  What could he possibly know about growing a business?  He is broke.  Gretchen meets with her assistant and pretty much tells her she is her bitch too.  Always be loyal and defend her no matter what or hit the road.  Who is she the godmother of the O.C.?

Then there is Tamra and her lesbian trainer friend Fernanda.  Tamra really tries to play games with this girl.  She is over the top flirty and gives off the signals that she is open to investigating the enchanted land of pink tacos, but pulls back before it goes too far.  She talks about the party and Simon.  She is really trying to live the happy life.  She cries fake tears over the fact that she and Simon don’t speak or are friends.  She gushes about Eddie the new man.  I suspect there is a threesome in their futures.  Tamra is really looking old.  She is definitely showing she is out of her former price bracket.  Black roots, and her face is aging quickly.  HD is not her friend.

On to Vicki and her fantastic insurance filled life.  If she could marry an annuity or Life insurance policy she would.  Poor Don is relegated to watching their new dog Walter.  I bet he didn’t even get to pick the name.  Don is slowing Down and Vicki is still going strong.  Lonely life of existence.  Vicki  is off to an insurance conference in Seattle.  She has a suite for her team and Brianna.  If we hear “her People” one more time we will want to kill ourselves.

Peggy is Alexis’s friend.  She has 2 daughters London and Capri.  Similar in age as Alexis’s kids.  They have been friends for 5 years and tell us they don’t compete.  That is where editing comes into play I am sure.  For everything one says the other will out do.  London is articulate and Mckenna is barely understandable.  Peggy’s kids model and Alexis’s son quit modeling.  They just go on and on.  Very annoying.

Back to Seattle.  Brianna shows up exhausted and wants to sleep.  She tries to nap but mother hen Vicki can’t let her do it.  If she was my mother I would have killed her by now.  She is over the top and Type A in everything.  She was labeled by insurance execs at the conference Psychotically persistent about her business and is psychotic if things aren’t the way she wants them.  Dead on description.  She thinks her team loves her because she brings the fun into work.  She basically surrounds herself with young kids she can control and buys their loyalty because they need the money.  Shrewd woman.  If you look at her team you don’t get the feeling they love her, you get the feeling they tolerate and use her.  I am so sick of her Woo Hoo’s…Again, she is one of the most annoying people on the planet.

Back to Peggy…the OC gunslinger.  She has obviously married a much younger man who smelled good.  She is wearing a tacky open back shirt with chains going across to the gun range.  Her husband is the greatest…of course.  They hop in the Hummer and head to the range.  We don’t know what he does for a living, but I am sure it is shady.  He buys her a new little gun and she is over the moon.  Of course she is the best markswoman ever…annoying. 

Tamra is out condo shopping.  The apartment she is in just doesn’t do it anymore.   Tamra is shown a nice place but soon finds out it was the place Eddie used to live in with his former wife….deal breaker there.  They move onto another one and she loves it.  What Tamra wants, Tamra gets.

Come on my people, come on my people…woo hoo….guess who I am talking about….The vickster.  They are drinking and bowling and having a good time.  Vicki is match making and is annoying Brianna.  How can someone so lifeless as Brianna possibly be the offspring of Vicki?  Brianna realizes it is time to leave the nest and move far away from Vicki.  I hope to God, she gets the balls to do it. 

Gretchen is soooo busy because she has the Beau-tay line and the pocketbook line….she is trying to build a Brand.  Good luck with that!

Everyone but Vicki is hungover and sleeping in the suite.  Vicki unleashes the annoying-ness on the youngsters….she is pulling back covers, orders them to order room service, does emails….grrrr….Then says they have to clean up the room in 4 minutes, get ready and be on the bus.  Cancel room service….oh wait bring the room service to the bus.  They of course all end up on a boat and they woo hoo all around Seattle.  They end up in a place like they go to when they go to the lake.  Icki yes I wrote Icky is taking drinks from other boats and being the center of attention.  She has annoyed her people!

Alexis and Tamra meet at the gym to work out.  Alexis is perfectly couffed and Tamra looks like a hot middle aged mess.  Tamra is jealous and can’t compete so she has to tell everyone how hot her sex life is.  Those that talk about it obviously aren’t getting it as much.  They head for cocktails and food.  Tamra and Alexis talk about Eddie and Simon. Tamra tells her that Simon has told her as well as many others that Jim doesn’t like her.  Alexis deflects and says not true.  Tamra tells her that Simon and Jim are alike but Alexis says they aren’t….Tamra rattles off examples and then Alexis says Jim and Simon are a lot alike.  Duh…brainwashed much?  Alexis is starting a dress line.  Jim is thrilled about it. Probably because they are bankrupt and need her to work.  She is sick of being Bev Clever…dumb ass it is June Cleaver. Tamra starts about Gretchen and Alexis puts her in her place.  Love it.  Tamra doesn’t think their marriage is going to last….we will wait and see.

Episode ends there…boy that was fast!  Can’t wait to see Gretchen and Slade fighting next week