American idol Top 12 Eliminations

American idol Top 12 Eliminations:

Who’s dream is going to get dashed tonight???  I thought Naima, Paul and Karen.  Will I be right?  The 80’s and early 90’s didn’t really turn out very many singable songs for these wannabees. Will we have a group number or will they do something special for Japan?  Wow is Jennifer really impressed with herself tonight.  Steven looks like he is in Liberace’s pj’s and Randy is the fat fonzie.  Lee Dewyze is in the house tonight and the Black Eye peas.  I have heard Fergie looks frightening…I can’t wait to see her!

Why are they singing Born to Be Wild?  That wasn’t made when any of them were born.  Well, Jacob butchered that song.  The girls sound like American Idol Top 12 Eliminations

crap too.  Here comes Cougar idol Stefano and the adult cabbage patch trying to sound tough….oh they are doing a mash up.  How original…Not.  The Glee crew would kick their asses in a sing off.  Why is Jacob holding onto his crotch???  There aren’t any high notes the guys have to reach.  I did not enjoy the Brady Bunch sing along tonight.

Ford music video…at the Drive-In.  not even going to comment on it.  Not worth it.  LAME-O!  These little videos are a waste of time because they are only on this show.  If they ran on regular commercial blocks then maybe I would be interested.

Now we are getting to know funny things about the Idols…these should be pretty bubble gum.  I bet nobody says they can fart to music or on cue.  Karen can make funny noises with her throat….is that what she is doing when she sings?  Thia being boring Thia collects quarters with her grandpa.  Scotty can wiggle his ears.  He can probably fly to New York with them too if the air blows in the right direction.  Jacob is a square and doesn’t go to clubs…oh my that is hilarious, I am rolling on the ground, that is so funny, I am being sarcastic! Casey is an avid moonwalker, really he is probably baked all the time and thinks he is actually walking on the moon.  Karen is also fluent in Spanish and English and studied French for 6 years.  Oh boy is she going to sing in 3 languages if she is around next week?  She can be known as the tri-lingual idol. James wanted to be a wrestler and learn how to speak Swedish.  Lauren can only speak one language and I am not convinced it is English at times but claims she can speak Spanish.  Stefano wants to speak an African language…ok, why? Naima is speaking Vulcan.  Pia is fluent in English.  Ok, good thing you are good looking, because you don’t seem that bright.  Haley is not able to speak in any language but she can speak in many accents, Scotty is doing a redneck British accent, but is using Australian terms.  Lauren claims she doesn’t have an accent, but now we have Thia waking up from her coma to imitate her, and Haley the master of accents doing it too.  Lauren is dumbfounded…or just dumb.  Paul has a 14 year old weiner dog…(I thought he was going to say he had a 14 year old weiner)…that smells bad and is blind.  Good thing this wasn’t mad libs! Pia has a bleeped out dog, I am guessing it is a shit-zu and it sings. Lauren is proving to be the actual funny one in this clip because she is deadpan and throwing the jabs.  Love it.  She is the winner tonight.  Notice they only showed Stefano once….he must have been visiting Jennifer’s dressing room during the filming of this clip and Jacob must have been out making his pants tighter for the high notes.

Dim the lights, here we go…cue the Irish music…Jacob, Lauren and Casey are called up.  Jacob is the only one I would think is in trouble but I bet all 3 make it through.  Jennifer must have gotten her hands on Ryan’s spray tan machine because she looks like a carrot with silver eye shadow…Randy just gave us a singing lesson and now we are about to hear Jacob’s fate, he is safe.  Lauren is next in line.  She is so smitten with Ryan and she is safe.  Casey is up last.  He went out on a limb last night but I think he is safe.  Ryan asks Steven about the goop and I think he caught him eating a snack…Casey is safe.

Next group….Haley and Paul.  I think Haley is safe and Paul is in trouble….What is the deal with the feathers in the hair every results week???  Haley is…..oh, we go to Paul who we are reminded had a cold as well, Steven has feathers in his hair too….one of these two are in the bottom 3.  Haley is in the bottom 3 and Paul is safe.  I am scratching my head thinking huh???  Paul was HORRIBLE!  He must be the vote for the worst pick this year.  Is he our new Sanjaya???

Here come Lee Dewyze. Oh, I notice that Stefano has someone watching him….Marc Anthony is in the audience ready to protect what is his.  Lee is such a sweetie.  The song is a bit too slow and sad….he has a great voice.  He needs the right song to showcase it.  He was my favorite last season.  Why can’t these guys come up with a fun, fired up song?  Nobody listens to ballads anymore! 

Back to toad face Seacrest and more results….why do we have to dim the lights???  Scotty, Pia and James.  This is a no brainer.  All 3 are safe.  Don’t waste our time with this.  Scotty is safe.  Pia is up next.  She is safe.  Why does she look shocked?  Acting is not your forte’, stick to singing.  James is last and he is safe. 

Stefano and Naima…well we know Stefano is safe.  Naima is not but let’s officially hear it from the orange toad….Jennifer just flirted again and reiterated that Stefano should sing to me….Marc Anthony is getting what looks like a comb in his pocket but is really a switch blade ready to take out Stefano….good thing Pit bull is sitting next to the little squirt to help him take down Stefano!  Naima hears what the judges thought of her last night.  She is trying her hardest to look brave, but she has to know her ass is out…..and Orange toad spills the beans and Naima is bottom 3.

Karen and Thia are up next.  Karen has to be the bottom 3. Thia is boring, but a better singer.  Thia actually looks like Pocahontas tonight.  She needs to wake up from this haze and be feisty!  Is it too late for her???  Karen might have the Latin wall of voters backing her….and maybe the French since she can speak that language too…..let’s hear what Ryan has to tell us…Thia is safe.  She can go back to sleep on the couch!  Karen is probably trying to get Marc Anthony’s attention in the audience to replace Jennifer.  We all know she secretly wants to be Jennifer with a dash of Selena.

Next up we get to see Frightening Fergie and the Black Eye Peas…Just Can’t Get Enough is what they are singing.  Fergie’s face is rounder and her eyes are kind of droopy.  I think she looks different because they aren’t heavily lined with liner.  She is going more natural.  She isn’t her usual fierce self. All I know is her husband is damn hot. She had cheek filler injected….a brow lift and I suspect a boob job.  Boring song.

Bottom 3…Naima, Haley and Karen.  Haley will be sent back I bet….I am wrong again!  Naima is sent back to the couch.  Karen and haley.  I bet Karen is gone.  They won’t save her either.  I got that one right Haley is safe.  She is going to sing for her life.  I wonder what language she will choose???  English and Spanish….throw some French in there Karen, you can do it….damn, she didn’t do it.  Jennifer isn’t going to keep her around.  You know she calls the shots.  I am going to fast forward through this because I don’t remember much Spanish and it sounds horrible in any language.  See ya karen!  No save for you.  Vayos Condios My darling!  Go join a pageant in Miami.  Begging is not attractive!  The vote was not unanimous, but they aren’t saving her.