The Real Housewives of Miami: Waterfront and Center
Let me guess, Lea will start off the episode still ranting about Kristi and her lack of payment for the gala tickets…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Shocker we get to see Larsa and her new pet purchases. A lizard, a tortoise and a bunny. None of them will play with them in a week. Just take them to the zoo. Taking care of the pets teaches them responsibility…according to super mom larsa then contradicts herself and says she hopes the nannies will take care of them.
Alexia shows up at a pig farm to buy a pig to slaughter for a real authentic Cuban meal. In the Latin culture it is popular to do a pig. Boy ain’t that the truth. Her husband looks like a Cuban country western star. Herman is going to cook the pig. What a catch he is. He cooks pigs and owns a magazine. They slaughter the pig and throw it in the trunk of the Mercedes and off they go.
Marysol and Phillipe are dining in an empty restaurant. He asks her to marry him. She looks shocked, then it sinks in…then she tries to convince herself she is happy. Remember she told us she was starting to love him last episode. H gives her this big ass ring. It looks like costume jewelry. He actually bought it off her mother. How quaint. They decide to elope to Colorado to get married in the snow. Here is something I don’t get…marysol’s accents vary to whoever she is with…..when she is giving the camera an interview she sounds normal, then when she is with Phillipe she sounds Cubanish….hmmm. This marriage won’t last or probably even happen.
Alexia has the pig in the house and Herman is trying to get her to hold onto it so he can season it. She struggles with the thought. She tries to help but fails. Finally Herman just manhandles this pig and gets the job done! Impressive, but still gross!
Lea the bag lady goes shopping with a friend. Lourdes has taste and dresses well. Lea has no intention of buying decent clothes. She is an eccentric old bat. She actually tries clothes on over clothes and wonders why things don’t fit well or look good. She is so friggin’ annoying. Look at me everyone I am so funny and carefee….Weeeeeee! PUKE!
It’s Pig Roast night! Everyone shows up! Larsa doesn’t eat pork, Lea is appalled by the pig and makes a scene. Kristi is down with it and is excited. Apparently Lea doesn’t eat any meat, well she must do it in her closet because not many people that eat just veggies are that dumpy looking! Marysol is excited about the pig. Good for her! Larsa is letting us know she isn’t a big Lea fan. Kristi lets us know if it was a bunch of Cubans it would be just another day for us. Good Freakin’ thing she let us know that!
SHUT UP LEA about the damn pig. Adrianna is actually fanning her. How stupid is that? The pig is done and Herman completely goes ballistic carving up the pig in front of the haters. I love it. Too freaking funny. Marysol inhaled the pork. She loved it. Have at it girl J Alexia lets us know she doesn’t eat protein too much. Then comes the big news, The engagement. Lea spouts out the most inappropriate comment about how long have they been together so she knows how long it will last and she didn’t know Phillipe needed a green card. How freaking tacky! She tries to cover it up with a laugh but she was way out of line and just made a complete ass out of herself. Alexia is very happy for her. They need to cut Lea off. Way to take the happy out of the moment. The Vicki of Miami!
Marysol is picking out wedding dresses with her gay friend and her cat woman mom. Mom tries to act excited about the ring and acted like she had never seen it before. But we all know it is part of her estate jewelry. Marysol starts modeling dresses. She looks great in all of them. Cat woman is so frightening to look at but she has grown on me. She is funny as hell. She must have gotten a 2 for 1 cheek implant procedure with Marysol.
Larsa is actually holding her daughter. She is calling for another nanny. She wants the perfect nanny that is not old and not good looking. She has too many kids and not enough help. Then only pump out what you can handle…oh yeah more alimony for the kids if Scottie dumps your ass.
Kristi and Alexia are going to model in a fund raiser. They looooove to support the local designers. Alexia is very friendly with all the Latin designers. Kristi is super excited….yippee. I wonder if Lea will crash the party???
Adrianna’s art show wasn’t as profitable as she thought, but Lea did buy her portrait. Marco’s is being blamed for the failure. Could it be that she isn’t quite the art afficianado she thought she was? Lea is telling us how she saved Adrianna. Lea is putting Adrianna on the spot. She is prying into her personal life. Adrianna is curious if there are problems at home. She knows she is on a budget and struggling. Bills are piling up and she is fighting with her fiancée Fredric. She is paying 30 grand for her kids school and she needs to get real and find a public school! Lea basically tells her to smarten up. Lea tells her she will help her. Lea really loves this girl and wants to help her. Adrianna doesn’t live the lifestyle of sacrifice. Lea is going to organize a fundraiser to get the tuition. How pretentious.
Kristi is dining out with a friend. All of her best friends are girls she grew up with. That is cool. I like that. Kristi is talking about the bill she got from lea for the gala. She went there to show support, they didn’t stay and that is that. Lea sent her a certified letter with pictures and a bill. Kristi paid it and that is that.
Off to Colorado we go….to the big elopement. Does silicone freeze? The happy couple is talking about their big day. Marysol looks scared shitless! Phillipe means the world to her. She looks like she could be his mom. This is her 3rd marriage. I wonder if she has hair extensions??? The back of her hair looks odd. Philiipe looks smitten or psyched to get that green card. Another struggle to get through this episode!
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