The Real Housewives of Miami: Optical Dillusion
Shouldn’t we be calling this the Real Housewives of Havana instead of Miami? How many times do we have to be reminded that most of them are Cuban? We aren’t stupid! I Still haven’t embraced these chicks yet. I am struggling. I don’t look at the DVR with anticipation to watch every episode like the other ones. Hopefully they will grow on me.
So here we go again, control freak Lea is still yapping her plastic trap about the fact Christi crashed the gala. Her lap dog Adrianna just nods in agreement and Marisol is politically correct. I like Marisol even though her face is stretched so tight it looks like it may pop. Leah aggravates me to no end. She looks like she is new money trying to fit in with the big dogs. She dresses like she just walked out of Savers at the end of a busy day and there is nothing left to choose from. Plus, she must have something on Adrianna because she treats her like her “bitch”. I just don’t get her. Adrianna ….I am just not going there. How dare they crash my event and not pay? I am going to invoice her for the tickets. Go ahead and do that and let it go!
Kristi and Mrs. Pippen meet at a new club and also rehash the gala….Larsa is digging for dirt but there isn’t any to get. Larsa has to tell us if she had a flat tire on the way to an event the night would be ruined for her….oh poor pampered princess…that is why God created AAA. They fix the flat and you go on with your life.
Now the Latinas and lea are waiting for Adrianna at lunch. She invited them and she is 1 hour and a ½ late. She starts blabbing about how she is so far behind because of all the things she has to do. Oh my she is so important! Guess Mr. Frenchie man couldn’t pick up the slack today! Skip the damn hair appointment and get your ass to lunch! So while they wait for the queen of Brazil to arrive, they start dishing the dirt on her wild partying….such a loyal group of girls. Lea of course has to make it a point to let the girls know she can handle the situation. Alexia makes a comment about Cuban time and Brazillian time and how she thought Cuban time was bad. Larsa loves to flaunt those plastic boobs of hers! They are always popping out and her bra is exposed. They might need to apply for a SAG card if they get anymore screen time. Lea’s ear perk up when she hears Kristi, Larsa and Adrianna were out until 2AM….She is such a snoop! She wants to know Adrianna’s every move. She is so possessive! Is Adrianna a call girl and Lea is her madame??? Curious friendship there. I am sure we will find out more as the season drags, oh I mean rolls on. Adrianna finally shows up with gifts and the girls ask her why don’t you look any different? Didn’t you get your hair and make up done? Too funny and obviously a waste of money and time spent!
Back to Adrianna’s gallery. Miami is a big hub for art….who knew? I thought New York not Miami. She is having a show with a lazy Brazillian artist Marcos. They are far behind in getting all of the pieces done for the show. He needs 37 pieces but he has about 17. They are pictures of people on canvas with lines over it. Looks like Andy Warhol rip offs to me. Adrianna is stressed out.
Alexia is having breakfast with her son Peter on the deck. She is talking about a graduation party. Her son wants a DJ that charges $10,000 for 2 hours and I love the fact that she says no way Jose’….She also gives him crap about money he spent on jewelry for his girlfriend. I think she is the rich Latina version of me. She harps on her kid like I do. She reminds him that the money he gets ois their money and he doesn’t have a job. I like her approach.
Larsa buys her little brother a car for his 16th birthday. Scottie tells her to buy him a Toyota truck….after she starts spewing Lexus , Mercedes, Land Rover over the speaker phone in front of her brother. Too funny….he loves her family in a Toyota kind of way!
Back to the damn gallery and lazy ass Marcos. He has messed with the wrong Chica and she is going to make him pay for this! He needs to have all the V.I.P. guests pictures on the wall pronto! If they are not hung she won’t sell them. I bet ugly Lea will be on the wall. Speaking of Lea, she is spouting her wisdom on how to handle artists. She is the yoda of Miami. Looks like him and sounds like him.
Marisol is still in the weeds this episode. Where is she??? Where is her scary mom the witch? Cat woman of Miami here kitty kitty….Here is Philipe and Marysol. She is starting to fall in love with Phillipe. Cat woman is getting sauced on wine and insulting Marysol’s boyfriend. Classic. She loves men that dress like women. Marysol could be cute if she didn’t put so much silicone in her cheeks. Marysol’s mother spills the beans that she is a witch. Philippe starts to get hot and excuses himself to go wash his hands and splash water on his face. I think she just scared the shit out of him to be honest.
I am going to skip the part where Larsa and her big boobs go to the car dealership to buy her brother a car. The kids drives like shit! She yaps in the back seat and takes turns at 50 MPH….fast forward because I am nodding off!
The art show is going to be a disaster and Adrianna is going to ruin this artist…because she is soooo powerful in Miami but she has a “Blan B” translation plan B to make everything ok. It’s finally show time and I really don’t see any famous people at the show. The art is supposed to be famous people in Miami…hmmmm, there is a picture of a guy that looks like barry Gibb from the Bee Gees and they are trying to convince themselves it is Al Pacino in Serpico. Serpico didn’t take place in Miami, that was Scarface people. Everyone is looking at the pictures saying “who’s that”. Kristi shows up and lets us know she collects Cuban art but would love to see Brazillian art. To simple folks of the world, art is art. If it looks nice and you like it, buy it. Larsa and her boobs are here too. They are looking at Enrique Iglesias and think it is the Incredible Hulk. Larsa is wondering why there isn’t a picture of her on the wall? Lea’s is on the wall. She is famous and would make the gallery much cuter. Lea shows up looking like Elton John. The girls compare her to lady gaga. Not quite ladies. Lea has absolutely no fashion sense. She looks like she is a clown. Adrianna is 2 hours late even though her partner asked her to get there 3 hours ago. Wow is she in love with herself. She pulls the ultimate faux paux by introducing another artist and features his talent with the current artist right there. Talk about giving Marco the big F.U. That is tacky. People in the gallery are pissed as well as her partner, but Adrianna doesn’t care. Shr gushes about this artist. She thinks it is brilliant. Lea of course offers her pearls of wisdom. Kristi and Larsa/and the boobs missed this because they got bored and they left. They came, they saw, they went. Adrianna found that so rude.
Man I am sooooo struggling to get through this season!
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