American Idol Top 12

American idol Top 12

What the heck is Steven Tyler wearing?  J-Lo is wearing another animal print…shocking…Randy must have gotten the message not to wear a cardigan and instead borrowed one of his kid’s oxford shirts.  Ryan isn’t looking as orange this week.  Spray tanner must have gotten clogged.

What is the theme this week????  Is it time to give these guys nicknames yet or should we wait for the top 10???  This week the idols are singing songs from the year they were born…oh God I am going to feel old.

1984 Naima was born.  Her mother was a singer so of course she is following in her footsteps.  Guess Naima is going to channel Tina Turner and sing What’s Love Got To Do With It?  She is struggling out of the gate…she is all over the place.  She only can sing choruses well and not the regular parts of the song.  She can’t make this song current.  It was bad in the 80’s.  I bet they will refer to the vibrato and how it wasn’t strong……at least her braids didn’t get stuck in her earrings this week.  Steven loves her but I think he loves her story and feels bad for her.  Jennifer comes out strong and doesn’t give her the pass this week for her being pitchy.  Good catch Jen.  Rand agrees with me and Jen.  Flavor only works in food not music!  She is in trouble….no save card for her.  I don’t think she will be around long enough to nickname her, but we can call her Tidy-Bowl

1984 again….I was a sophomore in high school.  There I said it.  His parents are gushing over Paul.  He is sooooo wonderful.  He is singing I Guess that Is Why They call It The Blues.  He is going to butcher this song.  Wrong choice!  He is going to be joining Naima in the bottom 2 I suspect.  If we were picking a nickname for him it would be Helium Joe Cocker with a twist of Elaine.  This is awful.  I feel like I am at the Royal panda during last call of the karaoke night.  Give me a Pupu platter to go because I can’t stick around for the rest of this song!  He is entertaining if you mute the TV.  Jennifer notices he was struggling but she liked him.  Randy laughed and differs with Jen he says he is pitchy but he made the song his own.  Well if you own it, keep it Paul.  Steven loves his swagger.  Not his voice.  Bottom 3 bound….

1995 was the year Thia was born.  I have underwear older than her.  She was the perfect baby of course and of course her mother sang to her.  She is singing Colors Of The Wind.  She kind of looks like Pocahontas….hmmmm…..I bet she sings it without the band.  She sucks with a full band and she knows it.  She is sooooo boring to watch, but she has a nice voice.  Her songs are so boring.  How are younger viewers going to connect to her?  How is she going to guest star of Glee being so boring?  The judges will love her but I hope they tell her to liven it up a bit.  Randy starts off with what I am thinking, she is too old for her age.  She is too pageanty.  Man I should be a judge on this show.  Steven disagrees and wonders if she sang as song that reminds her of herself.  Jennifer chimes in an reminds her they know she can sing.  She just needs to get out of the safe zone.  I think her age is shining through.  She is over her head, but safe.  I think we should label her the Snoozer

We are journeying to the year  1989 with James.  Poor thing must be really nervous tonight because he was really twitching during the interview with Ryan.  It only happened after he mentioned Kate Hudson. He is singing I’ll Be There For You by Bon Jovi.  His nickname will be Hetero Lambert.  He is safe.  He is singing in key, it is fun and he is working the stage. Now we are waiting for the strategic high note yell…and there it is.  The pace is a bit fast and it ended a little pitchy but all in all the best performance so far tonight.  I was beginning to fall asleep.  Steven is afraid he is getting too poppy on him.  He really knows how to  work the crowd.  Jennifer loves him too.  She was singing along.  Randy brings everyone down to Earth but says he did a good job and tastefully added the yell.  Steven agrred to sing a song with James this season.  Love it. Yay James J

Here comes Haley form the year 1990.  Her parents are in a band. Of course we see the mom singing Black Velvet.  Kind of creepy….this chick is lost in the shuffle.  She doesn’t know how to pick the right songs poor thing.  What can we call her….let’s think about this while she sings and get back to it.  She is tackling a Whitney Houston Song….dumb choice when Randy already doesn’t feel you…I’m Your baby Tonight.  Look at the lip stick smear all over her face!  She is banging the mircrophone with her lips and hitting her singing is OK.  She will be safe I am sure but she has to pick a direction.  We could call her Smear face.  The judges think she is awkward.  Ryan is now trying to give the poor girl a hand by fixing her smeared face.  She can sell that hanky on E-Bay when she goes home.  What a good guy.  Randy is coming down on her hard and reminding her that she doesn’t know what kind of singer she is.  Steven will come to the rescue.  He is finally giving her direction.  Go the blues route.  Thank you Steven you narrowed the range down set last week.  Between Alicia Keys and Stevie Nicks is a huge gap.  That is like saying between Massachusetts and Idaho is where I want to live.

Stefano is up next.  That is Jennifer’s secret crush.  She wants to be Mrs. Robinson to him.  Stefano was born in 1989.  He loves his Grandfather.  They just showed a picture of Grandpa in front of his music store.  The picture makes the guy look like a ghost!  He is singing a Simply Red Song if You don’t Know Me By Now.  He just gave a big put down to some songs from the 89…what is wrong with Millie Vanilli, Tone-Loc and New Kids on The Block???  They have something you don’t, a hit record.  Excuse me Mr. Music Snob.  Jimmy the producer is hard on him….he reminds him it is easy to sing the song if you know the words, it’s all written down in English.  Yikes.  He sings the song just fine.  I wanted him to forget the words.  I think Jennifer is having the big “O” listening to him.  She is quite smitten.  I wonder if this is a child she gave up for adoption she really has taken a huge interest in him.  He judges love him.  He is in it to win it they announce.  He really was the best of the night so far.  I have to give it to him.  Mark Anthony better watch out!  His nickname is Cougar Bait.  Jennifer reminds him to keep singing to her and keep looking into her eyes.  Easy Mrs. Robinson.  There are 11 more kids you have to pretend to like.

1988 brought us the lovely Ms. Pia.  This chick had pipes even at 4 years old. She belted out a Whitney song better than some of the past season’s contestants at the ripe young age of 4.  She chose another Whitney song to do tonight.  Where Do Broken Hearts Go.  I am sure she will sleigh it.  Not liking the outfit but as usual she sounds strong and fierce.  Why does she have to be good looking and sing beautifully?  I want to hate her but I can’t.  I am not that crazy for the arrangement but that’s no biggee.  We can call her Eye Candy Idol.  Steven is in love.  Jennifer is in love.  Randy is in love.  Love, love, love.  Pia is also in it to win it.  Randy is in hyper over drive.  I think this is going to be the winner unless she really blows it along the way….

Steven looks like he may have fallen off of his chair during the break….Jennifer just asked him if he was alright.  1993 brought us Scotty.  When will he drop the “Y” and just become Scott?  He loves Elvis.  Hilarious looking at the pictures of him dressed as Elvis!  He really is a funny kid.  To look at him you would think he had no personality.  He is singing Travis Triit’s song Can I Trust You With My Heart.  If I liked country music I would be in love with his voice.  It is rich, deep and properly twanged.  He is nailing this song.  I remember this song from the days listening to Young Country in Texas.  Good for you little fella!  I love the fact he doesn’t feel the need to wear a hat  and starched Wrangler jeans just because he is country.  The judges are happy with the performance.  The crowd likes him.  He took chances and they are happy.  Randy name drops and recites his resume.  He is happy with the performance.  Steven still recovering from his fall says he is going to go places.  I think poor Scotty looks like the guy from Mad magazine.  Alfred E. Newman Idol. 

Karen is up next.  Looking very Selena/J-Lo like.  I think she is a secret stalker.  Kind of creepy if you ask me.  Jennifer has got to see it and feel a little uncomfortable.  She is singing a song from the year  1989.  We see her taking a bath in a recycle bin in one of her pictures.  You couldn’t find another photo to give the producers????  She is singing a Taylor Dane Song Love Will Lead You Back.  She doesn’t want to be known as the Spanish singing Idol.  Whatever works, use it dopey!  She is singing but her earrings are distracting  and that big Amadala hair poof on the top of her head.  Yikes, here comes the Spanish verse.  She is pitchy and not that good.  Spanish verse kind of killed her.  Bottom 3….Randy says it started rough, but better than last week.  Steven loves it when she breaks into her ethnic whatitisness.  Jennifer is trying to be supportive.  Perform from your heart and watch how it translates….will it translate in English or Spanish???  We can call her Selena Wannabee Idol .

Tamyra Grey is in the audience tonight as well as the old Irish Idol.  1991 is the year Casey was born.  He has old parents, but they are so cool.  I could hang with them.  They are funny.  They are like old pot heads.  They are like the parents in Valley girl…one of my favorite movies.  He is singing a Nirvana Song.  Smells Like Teen Spirit.  First Nirvana song ever.  Could be interesting could be a bomb, could be great.  We shall see.  Oh Casey….good thing America likes you because this isn’t that great.  He sounds too angry.  Kind of brought the show to a screeeeeeeching halt.  I like this song but not this version.  At least he is out there taking a chance.  He is looking crazed.  Maybe his pain pills have altered his mellow personality…Hmmmm.  Let’s see if Randy recites the bands he played with over the years.  Steven likes his goop.  Jennifer is on the fence, but still loves him.  She loves him so much and thinks he is still sexy.  Yah right.  Randy kind of recites his resume, and loved how he put art first and likes that he is fearless.  He still looks like an adult cabbage patch kid.  We will refer to him as Adult Cabbage patch Kid.

Lauren is up next.  She is holding 2 masks to drop the hint she is battling the flu.  She brought one for Ryan.  She is so out there tonight.  I wonder what she is on.  She is soooo slow!  I think she wants to marry Ryan Seacrest when she is a big girl.  She was born in 1994.  Her mother looks like a middle aged Hannah Montanna.  Let it go mama and dress your age!  She is tackling Melissa Etheridge’s I’m The Only One.  One of my favorite songs.  I hope she bounced back from last week.  I liked her all along.  She may sneak up and catch Pia.  Who knows.  You can tell she is feeling horrible.  She is glassy but is hitting the high notes.  The low notes are a little shakey.  She is belting it out and it is working.  What a trooper.  She is working the crowd.   Good come back.  The judges are going to like it.  She pushed herself and that’s what they wanted.  Jennifer was singing along so that is a good sign.  Steven and Randy were bobbing along.  He judges said very very good job.  Randy says have a cold every week.  Steven agrees.  She is safe.  A Shining star.  I think she is Steven’s favorite. She is I Want to be Mrs. Seacrest Idol.

Last but not least we have Mr. Spa man himself Jacob.  He was born in 1987.  He reminds me of a skinny version of Sherman Clump for some reason.  He is singling Alone by Heart.  The only Idol to sing this and nail it was Carrie Underwood.  I don’t know about this choice.  I hope he doesn’t yell it.  He always looks like he is on the verge of tears.  He is too opera like for me.  He just likes to sing choruses and high notes.  I know the judges will like his gospel flava, but I just don’t like it.  It always sounds like he is screaming and his pants are too tight so he has to sing really really high.  Oh Jacob, I want to like your singing because I do find you entertaining to watch.  I am going to have to call you Sir Screech A lot.  Carrie Underwood still has the best Idol version in my book.  Let’s see how wrong I am.  Randy says good job.  He was pitchy but found himself.  He was genius at some point in the song.  I might have to play the tape back to see what I missed.  Steven is in awe.  Jennifer is amazed by him.  We have a competition!  OK, maybe my ears are blocked or something.  I don’t get it.

Well we did learn one thing tonight.  Every kid is special in their parent’s eyes.  They are all super child prodigies.  Naima, Paul and Karen are in trouble.  My picks for the bottom 3.  We have some tentative nicknames for the future Idols and I just don’t get Jacob’s  singing.